With the absolute class that Ladanian Tomlinson exudes on and off the field-possibly the classiest player in the NFL-its damn hard to make fun of LT.  But not even a class act and model citizen is safe from the wrath of NOTESPN.  All I will say is, because he is so damn likable, one can only hope this delicious little morsel was done for charity.

LT has had progressively worse years since 2006, culminating with this year’s 3.3 yard per carry average.  With his large contract, increasing age, and low production LT seems to have electrically glided his way out the door in San Diego. To last as long as he did is a small miracle, but Tomlinson has clearly lost a step…or three.

One can’t help but root for the guy.  But for future reference, when making these types of videos, don’t let them leak when you’re having the worst year of your career and getting set to get into the playoffs.  No doubt you will face some tough defenses, maybe the #1 defense in the league, and they just might shut you down.

Wait, that just happened.

I’m thinking “No Astroglide” is a better name for the video, but we welcome you to leave your name for the video below.

Embattled Washington Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas pled guilty Friday to felony gun possession.  Arenas was originally cited for the locker room incident with teammate Javaris Crittenden, where both player allegedly pointed guns at each other.  Arenas has since tried to chalk all 4 guns he had in the locker room and the entire incident up to a practical joke.  The charge can carry up to 5 years in prison, and the plea is an attempt to get community service and probation instead.  Moreover, its a desperate move to save his $80 million dollars from the Wizards, who would love nothing more than to terminate the contact that has hamstrung the franchise, and start over.

Some news outlets made a giant deal out of it, and perhaps it is to the general public.  To us here at notespn, its business as usual for the NBA.  A league that has gone away from the classy spit and polish of Magic, Bird, and Jordan to the me-first, self-centered thug/gangster that the NBA has become.

Arenas (self nick-named “Agent 0”) falls into that category. And it might be a bigger deal if he was a big star on a big team, but Agent 0 is long removed from the day he hung 60 on the Lakers.  Certainly, if this were Kobe or Lebron, it would be shattering.  But this gives David Stern, which regularly rules with a Stalin-esque iron fist minus the genocide, a chance to firmly discipline a talented player without any real detriment to the league’s popularity or its marketing.

This is why players like Dwight Howard and Chris Paul are so refreshing.  They take us back to the glory years of the NBA, the 80’s and the 90’s.  Charismatic, engaging, and making the league fun.  Players that help out in their community and do charity work.  No promotion of “being hard”, having guns, bitches and ho’s.  No “making it rain” in the club or treating a hooker like your own personal sex puppet while your wife and 3 kids can’t wait for loving husband/father to get back from the 3 game road trip.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Conversely, this is why players like Allen Iverson, Ben Wallace, Anthony, Stephen Jackson, Ron Artest, and (any of the rest of the players vs. fans brawl from the Palace a few years ago) the like are such pains in the ass…players who’s sense of self is greater than the good of their team, players like Kobe Bryant used to be, not that long ago.

We’ll see how it plays out, and without any jail time, the Wizards reportedly will have a tough time getting out of the rest of the $80 million they owe to Arenas.  But we can rest assured of one thing.  Players like Chris Paul and Dwight Howard are few and far between, and until the culture changes, we can rest assured more happenings like Arenas will continue.

Let’s just hope next time, the perps don’t take the safety off.

A little after 5:30 pm on Wednesday, January 13th, 2010, Lane Kiffin took the podium in Heritage Hall and spoke into the mic, his first press conference as head coach of the University of Southern California.  “To be here today, I’m extremely fortunate”.  That’s the understatement of the f#@&ing century, and we’re only 10 years into it.

Lane Kiffin has somehow parlayed failure, before being rescued by mediocrity, into 3 coaching gigs in the last 4 years (each one seemingly superior to the prior), thanks to having good people around him. Senile Al Davis (who is beginning to look more sane thanks to Kiffin) hired him away to be a first time head coach…anywhere.  Kiffin sported a .333 winning percentage, though in his defense, it was the Raiders.  Still, he was fired, and somehow got hired at a national power program at the University of Tennessee, replacing a legend, where they have had 3 head coaches in 30 years.  Kiffin, the last, was there only 14 months.

Kiffin jumped into the toughest conference in America, openly taking on conference rival and defending National Champion Florida and coach Urban Meyer.  Kiffin even went so far as to accuse Meyer of recruiting violations and cheating, which was inaccurate, before racking up 6 NCAA violations himself.  Not seeming to know or care about the NCAA rule book and moving on to USC, a program that may incur sanctions for things he did when he was there, would seem to be a recipe for disaster.

Click here to view the embedded video.

If it was Kiffin by himself.

However, Kiffin comes in a package.  A package that contains two other great coaches (One of which, Ed Orgeron, was reportedly calling the recruits he brought to Tennessee and told them to now come to USC-a classless move), thereby increasing his own value. A package that will no doubt convince recruits to come to USC, just when it looked like the program was imploding faster than David Hasselhoff at a local drinking hole.  And one of those great coaches is revered defensive coach Monte Kiffin, Lane’s dad.  Continuing to get by on his daddy’s merit is one way Lane was hired at Tennessee.  A national power program wouldn’t normally hire a young coach who had never coached in college, and who’s only head coaching was a 5-15 record.  Lane Kiffin now seems to have achieved one of the signs of the football apocalypse:  Making Al Davis look completely likeable. Kiffin has gone from success as an assistant to failing on his own, to mediocrity with a hand-picked staff that is far more talented.  He moves on to USC with that staff, and his own ego-driven self-delusion.

Seeing Kiffin the night of Tuesday, January 12th, in a 60 second self-congratulatory monologue before scurrying away like a coward, the fear in his face and body language was more than distinguishable.  Knowing the Lynch mob wasn’t too far behind; Kiffin briefly rattled on about how he was proud of what he did and worked hard every day.  Then he slithered away, where he must have had a chopper waiting with blades churning, needing to be extracted from a hot LZ.  It was reminiscent of Mussolini in Dongo, trying to find a way to escape.  Or Ceausescu in Bucharest and then Targoviste.

Unlike those sociopaths, Kiffin did get away.  Kiffin is the loudmouth kid in the gang who loves to start trouble, as long as he has his boys around him to protect him.  But one thing is for sure.  If SC falters again, not even little Laney’s supporting cast will be good enough to save him from the axe.

And after Pete Carroll fails in the NFL (again), look for his prodigal return.  It should only be a couple years.

2-2 Last week, which isn’t very exciting.  Winning 3 out of 4 this week will give us some more credibility.

Arizona +7.5 vs. New Orleans

Despite the atrocity that has been Arizona’s defense lately, the defense ended up winning it for them last week.  New Orleans barely beat some truly awful teams, and then lost their last 3 games to some teams that weren’t so good.  In keeping with the theme that this year’s Cardinal team is better than last year’s because of their improved running game, look for Arizona to keep it within a touchdown if not outright win.

Baltimore vs. Indianapolis -6

After Indianapolis lost their final 2 games of the regular season, and with the way Baltimore handed Tom Brady and the rest of the Patriots their own ass in the first round of the playoffs, one could argue that the Ravens will definitely surprise the Colts.  The Ravens defense is playing great, and so is their running game.  As we said last week to expect Ray Rice and Willis McGahee to have big games on the ground, you should expect the same from them again this week against he Colts porous run defense.  And still, I can’t help but bet on Peyton Manning.  The colts are 10-4-1 ATS in thier last 15 games overall, so roll with TV’s new favorite pitch man of the post Tiger era.

Dallas   vs. Minnesota -3

Its tough to root for one of the 5 biggest egos in the history of sports, and maybe I won’t root for Brett Farve.  In fact, I’m sure I won’t…but I think they’ll win.  Minnesota has a better running game, better offensive line, and better defense.  Dallas is the “it” team for a lot of people right now, finally trying to validate Wade Phillips and Tony Romo’s credibility.  Consider Dallas’s victory last week a fluke, and don’t be surprised if Minnesota blows them out.

New York Jets +7 vs. San Diego

Something about the Chargers and the playoffs just don’t go well together.  San Diego is the league’s hottest team with 11 staright wins, and Philip Rivers may be one of the league’s top 5 quarterbacks.  But the Jets have the best corner in the league in Rivas, and their pass defense is outstanding.  Ladanian Tomlison is not what he once was, but everyone should hold off on annointing Mark “Dirty” Sanchez the next Joe Namath.  Considering San Diego cannot run the ball, don’t be suprised if the Jets and the NFL’s biggest belly, Rex Ryan, keep it close enough to cover, if not win outright.

1-9-10 Wild Card Weekend

Its finally that time of year.  The time where some depression starts to set in.  The beginning of the end.  Its sort of like when you are at the greatest party of your life, and its clear that its winding down.  All the cool people are leaving, the booze is almost gone, and that hot girl you wanted to take into the master bath and ritualistically plow  just went off with one of the douche bags in True Religion jeans and an Affliction T-Shirt to get porked, because you were being the nice guy and giving some of your time to the nerd that was in your acting class.  Yes…the playoffs are here, which signifies the end is near.  However, like an orgasm, lets hope we go out with a bang.

What’s intriguing about this year’s matchups is that we have 3 re-matches from the previous week.  All of those were blow outs.  Looks for a reversal of fortune for all 3 teams here.

New York Jets at Cincinnati -3

At home this time, the Bengals just weren’t there last week, and the Jets played their asses off just to get into this game.  Look for Dirty Sanchez to look like the rookie quarterback he has most of the year, and make quite a few mistakes.  Cincinnati is 7-2 ATS vs. a team with a winning record. A 3 point spread should be more than enough for the Bengals.

Philadelphia +5.5 @ Dallas

I’m not buying into Dallas, especially if its the same crew of Wade Phillips and Tony Romo.  Trusting them to win in January is like trusting Bill Clinton in a whore house.  Dallas is 5-11 ATS in their last 16 games vs. the NFC East, and they are 3-9 ATS in their last 12 games in January. Don’t be fooled by last week’s debacle.  I love Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb, and with those stats take Phili and the points all day long.

Baltimore +3.5 vs. New England

Betting against Tom Brady and Bill Belly-chuk in January may be a stupid move, but after losing Wes Welker, I’m not so sure they cover the 3.5 points.  Look for Baltimore to have a big game on the ground and control the bal, and keep Brady and Moss off the field. New England’s defense just can’t stack up to Baltimore’s running game.  Look for Ray Rice and Willis NcGaheee to be huge like John Holmes.

Green Bay at Arizona + 2

Arizona got trounced last week by Green Bay 33-7.  But Arizona didn’t use most of their starers for more than a few minutes, while Green Bay threw eveything they had at them.  Arizona could sit back and gameplan for the following week all game last Sunday. Arizona’s situation is very similar to last year when they almost won the Super  Bowl, with a couple changes for the better.  They had one more victory in the regular season, and their runing game is much better.  Anquan Boldin is out, but he was out most of last year’s playoffs too.  Combine all this with being a home dog, and look for Arizona to bounce back.  Take them and the points.

New York Jets vs. Cincinnati Bengals

College Football’s bowl season kicks off tomorrow.  I’ve supplied my prediction and witty commentary about who will win and why for all the bowls through the end of the year.  This is my first installment, covering the bowls from December 19th through December 31.  Then I’ll get into the ones that matter in my second installment.    For now, take these bets to the bank, and enjoy your egg nog, though it may come back up after looking at some of these match ups.

NEW MEXICO BOWL Saturday, December 19th

Wyoming vs. Fresno State -10.5

Most of the data suggests Wyoming will cover.  Still, a 35-24 game doesn’t sound like too much of a chore for Pat Hill to get done, especially with Wyoming allowing about 100 yards more on defense than they muster up on offense.

ST. PETERSBURG BOWL Saturday December 19th

Central Florida -3 vs. Rutgers

What?  The St. Petersburg Bowl?  What the Hell is this?  And will anyone watch?  The only glaring difference is Central Florida is 3 games better vs. the spread this year.  Lay the 3 points, and go punch yourself in the face for a better time.

NEW ORLEANS BOWL Sunday, December 20th

Middle Tennessee State vs. Southern Mississippi + 3.5

This isn’t the bowl the people of N’awlins are hoping for.  And take these records and throw them out the window.  I used my magic 8 ball (not the cocaine one), and all signs point to Southern Miss upsetting MT State.  Take the points and pray Favre’s alma matter comes through like he has this year.  Old ass.

MAACO LAS VEGAS BOWL Tuesday, December 22^nd

(14) BYU vs. (18) Oregon State -2.5

Now we’re getting somewhere.  Some decent teams with good records and tougher conferences.  The Rogers brothers play in the tougher conference, and that should be all they need to beat Max Hall and the Cougars by a field goal.  That, and the fact that Oregon State is 23-8 in their last 31 games against the spread.

POINSETTIA BOWL Wednesday, December 23^rd

(23) Utah vs. Cal -3.5

Another PAC 10 vs. Mountain West clash.  Last year, the Mountain West owned the Pac 10 like a Pirate owns his wench:  Dirty and unforgiving.  But the PAC 10 is far better this year, and the Mountain West is down.  The question is which team will show up for Cal, as they have been Jekyll and Hyde all year. Jahvid Best, is one of the top 5 backs in the country, but is still questionable for the game .  Strength of conference is the decider here again, so roll with the PAC 10 and lay the 3.5.

HAWAII BOWL Thursday, December 24^th

Southern Methodist vs. Nevada -15

It seems as if a more watchable bowl game could have been put on Christmas Eve.  Then again, I’ll be so wasted on egg nog and single-barrel Jack Daniels and cursing at the Christmas carolers, I won’t watch anyway.  What I do like is Nevada putting up 522 yards of offense per game, and that seems sufficient to lay the 15 against Eric Dickerson’s alma matter.

LITTLE CAESAR’S PIZZA BOWL Saturday, December 26^th

Ohio vs. Marshall -2.5

Sadly, more people may find the sponsor’s pizza more appetizing than this game.  Instead of the “We are (clap-clap) Mar-shall!” cheer, television ratings may pick up a “No One (clap-clap) Will Watch!!! ” reaction.  So what do we do?  Go with the home team being 7-1 in their last 8 meetings against the spread…wait a minute, it’s a bowl game, so there’s no real home team…f’it.  Flip a coin.

MEINEKE CAR CARE BOWL Saturday, December 26th

North Carolina vs. (17) Pittsburgh -3

After a heartbreaking loss to Cincinnati to cost them a BCS birth, Pittsburgh should rebound against North Carolina.  You never know which UNC team will show, and we like that Pitt gets almost twice as many yards per carry on the ground.  That’s enough to lay 3 points.  I still think Dave Wannstedt looks like a porn star, without the intelligence.

EMERALD BOWL Saturday, December 26^th

Boston College +9 vs. (24) USC

It’s no secret who UCLA will be cheering for.  And its no secret that USC will be looking to make an example out of Boston College after a huge bowl demotion.  Emerald Nuts has a bowl, and USC will try to make Boston College taste theirs.  But USC’s arrogance may have finally caught up with them, as their talent, once able to back up their hubris, can no longer. SC no longer possesses a deep threat or quick strike offense, nor do they put up a great amount of points.  Combine that with Boston College being 7-3 against the spread in their last 10 games versus a team with a winning record, and I’ll take the Eagles +9 all day.

MUSIC CITY BOWL Sunday, December 27^th

Kentucky vs. Clemson -7.5

When you have a match up like this, a lot of the time it comes down to conference strength.  But throw in a potential top 5 NFL pick in Clemson’s C.J. Spiller, and a 28-20 score is definitely foreseeable.  Roll with the Tigers.

INDEPENDENCE BOWL Monday, December 28^th

Texas A & M vs. Georgia -7

I can’t believe A & M even made a bowl.  However, in all the major statistical categories, its pretty evenly matched.  But when you factor in the even statistics with Georgia playing in a much tougher conference, plus Georgia is 8-3 against the spread in their last 11 bowl games, Georgia should win by at least a touchdown.

EAGLE BANK BOWL Tuesday, December 29^th

Temple + 4 vs. UCLA

UCLA had to wait until the very last game of the college football season to see if they could get to a bowl.  That game was the Army/Navy game.  I never thought UCLA’s bowl eligibility would ride on this contest.  With Navy’s victory, UCLA gets the privilege of facing Temple in the Eagle Bank (Bailout) Bowl.  Playing in a weaker conference, Temple is the underdog here.  But they are 9-3 in their last 12 games against the spread, and UCLA’s victories have all come against really bad teams.  I like the Owls all day.

CHAMPS SPORTS BOWL Tuesday, December 29^th

(25) Wisconsin vs. (15) Miami -3.5

Finally, a more scintillating match-up with two ranked teams.  Wisconsin’s rank is suspect, because of the Big Ten’s perennial over rating.  Although the statistical differences are negligible, I think Jacory Harris could be a Heisman candidate in 2 more years.  The Canes are 7-3 against the spread in their last 10 bowl games, and Miami’s high powered offense should have no problem covering 3.5.  Lay the points, and watch for any drugs or weapons on the Miami sideline (You can also do the same in the Emerald Bowl with USC’s sideline).

HUMANITARIAN BOWL Wednesday, December 30^th

Bowling Green -2 vs. Idaho

The Humanitarian Bowl in the past has featured some more intriguing match ups.  But this year, if the board of directors for this bowl selection committee had any sense of what the word “humanitarian” means, then they wouldn’t subject us to watch these 2 teams.  Bowling Green is 6-2 in their last 8 games on turf against the spread, and that’s enough for us to lay the 2 and go buy the liquor for the New Years party.

HOLIDAY BOWL Wednesday, December 30^th

(22) Nebraska vs. (20) Arizona -1.5

Arizona averages 2 yards per carry more than Nebraska, but they have never seen an interior lineman like Ndamukong Suh.  That said, you have to figure with Arizona playing in the second best conference in the country, Suh is the sole reason the spread is only 1.5.  The over/under is 40, and should be a lot lower than that.  Figure 13-10 Arizona, and lay the 1.5.

ARMED FORCES BOWL Thursday, December 31^st

Air Force vs. Houston -4

Obviously, the sentimental favorite is Air Force in the Armed Forces Bowl.  But Houston averages 230 yards of total offense more per game.  The conference strength between these two teams is negligible here…so that’s a lot.  Throw in the fact that Houston is 8-4 against the spread this year and 9-4 in their last 13 games, and I like the Cougars to cover the 4 points here.

SUN BOWL Thursday, December 31^st

(21) Stanford +8 vs. Oklahoma

My favorite new team of the year, Jim Harbaugh has taken Stanford to a more than respectable program.  Their Heisman candidate Toby Gerhart was robbed of the trophy, due again to East Coast bias.  The odds makers must no a whole lot that I don’t, and I guess that’s why they are the odds makers and I am a self proclaimed expert.  I love Stanford’s offensive line, Toby Gerhart and Andrew Luck.  They average almost 3 yards per rush more than Oklahoma, and play in a tougher conference.  They should win outright, and easily stay within 8 points.

TEXAS BOWL Thursday, December 31^st

Navy + 6.5 vs. Missouri

Navy’s biggest claim to fame this year was their victory over Notre Dame, sealing the fate of the fatty tuna, Charlie Weis.  They still love to run the ball, using option and wishbone and other 3 back sets constantly.  Averaging almost 2 yards more per rush could help them stay close, and when you consider Missouri is 1-8 against the spread versus a team with a winning record, I like Navy and the points.

INSIGHT BOWL Thursday, December 31

Iowa State + 2.5 vs. Minnesota

Here’s some insight:  Don’t put two .500 teams from the same conference, and the most overrated conference at that, in the same game and make us watch, then have the nerve to call it the “Insight Bowl”.  Why not call it, “The Battle For Mediocrity”?  Iowa State is the underdog, and when you consider they are 10-2 against the spread in their last 12 vs. their own conference, take the Cyclones and 2.5, and a box of valium to make the game more interesting.

CHICK FIL-A BOWL Thursday, December 31

Tennessee vs. (11) Virginia Tech -4.5

How Tennessee finished 7-5 and made a bowl is perplexing.  Crybaby Lane Kiffin got his team in to a bowl, despite episodes of atrocious playing, including a home loss to UCLA.  But the bigger mystery is how is VA Tech only a 4.5 point favorite.  Frank Beamer is an experienced coach and has VA Tech as a perennial bowl team, and he’ll have his team ready to work over little Laney.  Lay the 4.5 with arrogance.  If there is a lock in a bowl game, this is it

TUF is an acronym of The Ultimate Fighter reality TV series on Spike TV. And I use the term “reality” loosely. Saying the reality stops at the names of the fighters and the fighting itself is pretty accurate. Case in point: Kimbo Slice.

Kimbo Slice lost early on in this season by Roy “Big Country” Nelson. So by  rule, he is out of the competition for the Ultimate Fighter title, unless someone else gets injured and he gets put in their spot. Anyone who has watched more than one season of TUF would know that Kimbo Slice being lost in the shuffle and entering a fighting life in obscurity wouldn’t be far from the truth.  TUF was set up to give that one up and coming fighter a chance at a six-figure contract to train and fight in the UFC.  The reality is that if you’re good enough to put butts in the seats and sell pay-per-views, then it doesn’t really matter if you win the TUF title.

For Kimbo it is more of a formality and some sort of pomp and circumstance to save a little face for Dana White.  Dana White talked more trash on this guy than he has on Fedor or Loretta Hunt.  Dana White told the public that the only way Kimbo was going to get into the UFC was through TUF.  Dana made sure he never said that Kimbo had to win.

TUF has become a joke. The six- figure “make it or break it” contracts offer nothing to entice the best of the best talent. This latest season of TUF has increased in ratings, but obviously because of Kimbo.  Unfortunately, win, lose, or draw, Kimbo will still fight in the UFC.  What’s perhaps more disapponting, is that Kimbo will still sell more pay per views and seats over the champion of this show. However, whether or not he can hang with the upper crust of the heavyweight division remains to be seen.  Look for the answer to come shortly in 2010.

Though this was a team photo, Cable always had the mug shot down.

Tom Cable is the perfect Raider.  After allegedly breaking Assistant Randy Hanson’s jaw in an argument last August, more disturbing accounts were just uncovered last week, documenting Cable’s violence towards women.   Cable’s ex wife and ex girlfriend both told ESPN about alleged abuse doled out at the hands of Cable, and they have the paperwork to prove it.  Additionally, his 2^nd wife, while declining an interview with the network, did file in official court documents abuse allegations.  That’s 4 people that we know of, with paperwork and/or photos and hospital bills to prove his onslaught.

The National Organization for Women is calling for the NFL to suspend Cable.  Although I admittedly have never been a fan of NOW, it’s hard to admit they don’t have a case here.  After all, people’s lives are at stake.  In fact, forget NOW, because its not just women being attacked.  After his vicious attack on Hanson this August, it’s clear we need an organization dedicated to all human rights.  I’d like to see Amnesty International or Green Peace get involved at this point. Hell, call in S.W.A.T, or the Marine Corps, because those may be the only forces strong enough to withstand Cable’s fury, and protect the vulnerable. The NFL is now investigating Cable’s alleged abuse.

This Referee has not been seen or heard from since.

Hanson told Napa police, “From my blindside, Tom Cable threw me from my chair and into a piece of furniture that a lamp sat upon,” said Friday. “He was screaming, ‘I’ll (bleeping) kill you! I’ll (bleeping) kill you!’ And I have no reason to believe he wouldn’t have killed me if they hadn’t pulled him away.”  He also said, “If my head would’ve hit a different way, I might be dead right now.”

We’re not sure if we have to put the word “allegedly” in this story describing the incidents, because there is quite a bit of recorded, documented evidence and paperwork to show Cable’s abuse.

But seriously…what more can you say about Cable’s impressive resume? Never before has there been a pedigree so deserving, a degree of symmetry so perfect between Coach and the organization and fan base. It’s no secret that NFL teams have to hire increased security when they play the Raiders.  Maybe it’s just because of Tom Cable.  But who could forget the news footage of a Pittsburgh Steelers fan being bloodied and left unconscious-and possibly for dead-in a game in 1990? What about several years ago, when a Raider fan and Charger fan got in an argument in a bar, and the Raider fan went Mike Tyson and bit his ear off?  What about the footage of a Raider fan stabbing a Charger fan?  I remember being at a game in the early 90’s in which a large, muscular biker took on 2 gang bangers.  After initially losing the scrum, the gang bangers were able to wrap and tie the biker’s long hair around a pole so he couldn’t get away, and they got the upper hand and proceeded to bludgeon him.  Blood flowed profusely…and children screamed.

Fun for the whole family!!!

The only question is where is Cable’s inner “yes man”?  Typically, abusers don’t take kindly to orders.  That goes against the dominant-which is obviously Cable’s role-in the dominant/submissive world Cable seems so perfectly involved in. As we know, the only way to keep a Raiders head coaching job, especially with continued exhibition of failure, is to be Al Davis’s puppet.  So perhaps Cable does have a softer side.  A side where, after his team gets embarrassed in front of 50,000 prisoners/convicts/fans, he dresses up in a leather g-string and leather mask with a zippered mouth hole, and gets kicked in the scrotum by the Godfather in the white jump suit.  Plus, it’s a release for Davis, as he gets to get out his aggression on the worst football team of the last 5 years.

This can be the only reason Cable is still under Davis’s employ.  However, we welcome your theories.  Please post them below.

I happen to do some very in-depth research on this fine female specimen.  The boring bio info includes the following…and then we’ll get to the good stuff.  Her full name is Elizabeth Ann Lambert….born 12-29-88…Lancaster, California…5’8”…and she is a junior defender for UNM.  Wonderful.  She also loves tacos….um….does she?  Apparently, she loves to camp as well…..oh, my lord!  Wouldn’t that be a treat?  Don’t burn the coffee or accidentally put out the fire…you’re liable to get kicked in the shins…or worse!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Heaven In Your Mouth

Here at notespn, we focus on the world of sports and sports related gossip, as well as the occasional hottie.  However, with Thanksgiving fast approaching, the good people of McDonalds have given us something to be truly thankful for.

After many years, its returned.  The greatest culinary invention in the history of man.  A morsel so filled with flavor and deliciousness, it brings even the strongest men to their knees.  Of course, I’m talking about the McRib.

What more can you say about this soul-pleasing delight?  Unconfirmed reports have suggested it is made by using different pork parts (hooves, ears, snouts, and tails) that are put into a giant blender and pureed into a sauce, then poured into a mold.  The mold is frozen, even including fake bone imprints, as the McRib’s authenticity is just as important as its flavor.

Eventually, a rubbery pork slab with fake bones is thawed out, slathered with a sauce that must be almost entirely sucrose, and topped with some pickles and onions, and placed on a roll. The result is a flavor explosion so intense, you can put it up against the best erotic experience you’ve had, and it just might win.

Four years ago, when McDonalds announced they were taking the McRib away in Southern California, I quickly ran out and bought 10.  I froze them in a bag, and once a year, on a special occasion, or even when I’m feeling down, I thaw one out, and savor every bite.  Amazingly, its just like it was 4 years ago. Say what you want about the cockroach, but the McRib seems to possess far more ability to survive a nuclear holocaust/ice age than those pests.

So here’s to the McRib.  A product no doubt enabling anyone to feel like a proud American.  Most clearly, it’s the Chuck Norris of all things food. So if you get a chance, pick one-nay,5-up and scarf them down.  You can post your comments below on your experience, including your thanks.

Phillips and Hundley. Whether this is pre or post coitus has yet to be determined.

In a story that continues to unfold and get more creepy, now former ESPN analyst Steve Phillips has been fired by the network for his inappropriate behavior/affair with production assistant Brooke Hundley.   Hundley has also been fired by the network.  Phillips also had an affair when he was New York Mets general manager.  His wife has also now filed for divorce.

The New York Daily news has published some foreshadowing quotes, which give us some insight into Hundley’s psyche, including the following from a letter to her dean at Ithaca’s Park School of Communications.  “You never know who you will need help from further down the road … so be nice, and get to know everybody.” Hundley wrote.  “Getting to know you” has a whole new meaning.

Perhaps what is more disturbing isn’t the relentless pointing out of Hundley’s obvious lack of physical attributes prized by most men, but the obvious obsession Hundley had with Phillips.  For a chilling read, take a gander at the note she sent to Ms. Phillips, published by the New York Post in the link below.

http://www.nypost.com/r/nypost/2009/10/21/news/media/lettermistresstowifea.pdf

It wasn’t as if Phillips was lonely one night after a show, and found a down-trodden but all-too-willing-to-please production assistant to hook in the Polynesian Polar Bear (a sexual position for only the most nefarious, and flexible, of philanderers).  However their first encounter took place, it continued, and it is clear that Hundley wasn’t too far away from boiling a rabbit on his stove in the coming days.

This is only the latest incident to come out of Bristol in the last few years.  Horrible NFL quarterback turned expert quarterback analyst Sean Salisbury was reprimanded by ESPN for allegedly photographing his junk with his cell phone and sending it to many co-workers, including females. Salisbury has repeatedly denied this, and has even threatened legal action, however Deadspin.com has apparently come up with an eye (no pun intended) witness.  We’ll see how it plays out, but we can at least let the bad jokes begin.  I’ll start: “Hey, that may be a Salisbury, but its certainly not a Steak”.

More recently, ESPN announcer Eric Kuselias allegedly told a female co-worker at ESPN, “I would like to f$%& you” at a Monday night football party after having a few too many cocktails. After being found to have an affair with ESPN announcer Stephania Belle, Kuselias was divorced.  Perhaps the delicious irony is that Kuselias was hired to replace another ESPN analyst (Jason Jackson) fired for sexual harassment.  Check out the full story below.

http://deadspin.com/5386829/espn-horndog-dossier-erik-kuselias-updated

We’re not sure if working at a network that covers sports causes the employees to get so charged up with testosterone that they start acting out, but the letters could start standing for something else soon.  Our favorite?  Everyone’s a Sexually Perverted Narcissist.  Feel free to leave your own acronym below.