The MeloDrama is finally over. As has been widely reported over the past several months, Carmelo Anthony is now, officially, a New York Knick. The Knicks, with Anthony and fellow superstar, Amare Stoudemire, are instantly a team to be reckoned with in the Eastern Conference. So much of the focus has been on Anthony, but Chauncey Billups was also a huge addition for them. He should be able to offset the solid production of PG Raymond Felton, as well as being a huge presence in the locker room. If they can get 1 or 2 more solid pieces, preferably a sharpshooter on the wings, Spike Lee will be a happy fan for years to come!

"Playing for D'Antoni? Lovin' it...I still don't have to play any D!"

In addition to Melo, across the river, the New Jersey Nets made some major news with their acquisition of All-Star point guard Deron Williams from the Utah Jazz, which, given what the Nets gave up to get him (PG Devin Harris, rookie F Derrick Favors, 2 first round draft picks, AND $3 million in cash?) is probably one of the biggest gambles by a front office in recent memory. And with Williams already publicly stating he is not prepared to immediately sign an extension, to stay in New Jersey, there are going to be a lot of nervous people from Newark to Moscow for the next year and change!

OK, first the BIG WINNERS:

New York: Not a lot of critics here will say the Knicks gave up too much to get Carmelo, when they could have just waited until Carmelo went to free agency this summer and just signed him without giving up players, especially given Melo’s known desire to play in Gotham. But waiting might have been nearly as big a crapshoot as the aforementioned Nets! If you want a superstar, unfortunately you have to give up some solid players (which the Knicks undoubtedly did!). But considering the addition of Billups and the opportunity to add at least one other star, I think the Knicks win big not only in the court, but in the box office.

Oklahoma City: Huge, HUGE winners here! Sure, they lose promising F Jeff Green, but in return, they get a proven inside presence with championship experience in C Kendrick Perkins. He is going to fit in perfectly with the Thunder from day one and OKC instantly becomes a better team by getting what they desperately needed: a consistent banger in the paint. They also acquire G Nate Robinson, who should be a solid player off the bench for the Thunder as well. They give up the Clippers 2012 first round pick (which, given the Clippers annual trip to the Lottery, is a pretty big deal), but for Perkins, that’s an easy tradeoff. Great job GM Sam Presti!

Danny, I told you I don't like tornadoes! Damn!!!

Memphis: The Grizzlies might quietly be the biggest winners of the trade year. They somehow convinced the Rockets to take on arguably the worst #2 overall draft pick in recent history in C Hasheem Thabeet (OK, I’ll give you guys Darko Milicic, but only because he was picked over the likes of Anthony, and Heat superstars Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh, among others!). In addition, they welcome back veteran F Shane Battier who, by most accounts, is Memphis’s favorite player outside of Elvis Presley. And the Griz can use him on the court as well, given F Rudy Gay is going to be out for an extended period of time. Memphis did very well for themselves.

Phoenix: You probably won’t see the impact for a couple of years, but Phoenix acquired a hell of a PG in Aaron Brooks. Brooks was on his way to becoming an all-star before injuries (and the emergence of fellow PG Kyle Lowry) slowed him down. He’ll have some time to get healthy in Phoenix while the Suns try to figure out what they’re going to do with Steve Nash, but in Brooks, they have a great PG for years to come. I’m even going to throw Houston in as a winner on this too. In exchange for Brooks, they get G Goran Dragic, who will provide great depth and is a reliable shooter at the guard position. And they no longer have a “point guard controversy”, which should help them as well. But wait, isn’t this the same team that gave up Battier and brought in Thabeet? Nevermind, scratch Houston from the winner’s list!

Now, my BIG LOSERS…

Boston: GM Danny Ainge, what the hell were u thinking here? You give up a solid proven center (not to mention, the only one who’s under 50 years old and can get up and down the court without passing out or pulling a muscle), for a young player, who, while talented, does not figure to have a major role in the short term, as he’s playing behind 2 future Hall of Famers in forwards Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett. This obviously is a “money move”, as Boston may have feared they would (to a lesser degree of course), have a similar situation with Perkins as with Anthony or megastar LeBron James with their former teams. Still, this makes little sense to me, but what do I know?

Sacramento: The best the Maloofs could pull off was getting journeyman G Marquis Daniels from Boston from a future draft pick? Clearly these guys are so tired of watching their team that, when they’re not in Anaheim negotiating a future move to the OC, they’re partying at their Palms Hotel (which by the way, is a great spot. That basketball suite is unbelievable!)

Jury is still out..

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New Jersey: We will know by the fall of 2012 whether this will be a coup or a bust (and make no mistake, it WILL be one of the other..nothing in the middle here!), and not just because the world is ending. Either GM Billy King will convince other stars to come in and play alongside Williams and they will head to Brooklyn major players in the Eastern Conference, or they will have given up a veteran G, a promising rookie, draft picks, and the rights to Jay-Z’s first 3 albums for a short term rental. If that becomes the case, Billy King and others will likely be reassigned to scouting duties in Siberia, and Jay-Z will have more than a little “dirt on his shoulder” to knock off”!

Why are we smiling again? Oh that's right...we're still RICH!!!

Should be interesting to see how all of these deals play out, and of course, which GM’s get an extension…and which ones get the Ax.

Holy Sh$t!  Actually, its Holy Family, as in Holy Family University in Philadelphia. This was not the city of brotherly love on this day though, as now ex-coach of the basketball team, John O’Conner is seen here administering his own brand of punishment to a player, Matt Kravchuk.  And no, he’s not the John O’Connor from the “Terminator” movies (actually that was John Connor), but he clearly terminated his player, and in so doing ultimately terminated his own employment.

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After a failed attempt at reconciling with Kravchuk (who refused to accept his apology on Good Morning America) O’Connor resigned Thursday night.

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But who does O’Connor think he is?  Woody Hayes and Bobby Knight he is not.  But for the record, many of O’Connor’s now ex-players and peers have defended him.  The reaction from Kravchuk in the footage also looks a bit dramatic, as it almost looks like Kravchuk falls back and reacts way worse than the contact would justify.  Clearly, O’Connor’s kicking motion is weak and in no way could have hurt Kravchuk. Nevertheless, Kravchuk emerged from the incident with a bloody face and apparent wrist injury.

In a moral argument, coaches should never strike their players. However, if  they want to grab their facemask or slap their helmet to get them to wake up, I’m fine with that.  But one can’t help think that Kravchuk’s reaction looked like something mastered by the likes of Iron Mike Sharpe, Jose Luis Rivera, Or S.D. “Special Delivery” Jones, or “The Rock”.  See below

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Don't Ya Wanna Smell Like This?

So I’m watching the Super Bowl at this great new bar.  Yeah, I’m a bit biased because a good friend owns it, but aside from the hot women that go in there, it is even more keen for the fact that movie star Shia LaBeouf, who sits at the head table of high council of douche-baggery, got punched out there a few weeks ago (Mad Bulls Tavern in Sherman Oaks, California, for those that are curious).

So there I was…enjoying the game, the company of my brethren, the atmosphere, and the bevvy of hot women that are surrounding me.  Granted, none of them were there for me, but I was still there…you know…in the inner circle…amongst the “cool” people.  And even though the hotties were into my buddy, this meant that with a certain amount of degrees of separation, they were into me, right?  I was literally a few feet away from some of the finest flesh ever to grace the planet, but that ranking lasted only a moment.

Soon, the flesh that was so perfect was replaced my larger, more abrasive, intimidating skin.  I don’t know exactly when it happened.  I had not had an extreme amount of alcohol, nor had I had any hallucinogenic.  But what came on the TV screen and captivated the entire venue made half of me nearly puke up my pancreas, and the other half explode in glee.

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Yes, it was true.  Ultra-masculine Khloe Kardashian and her weed smoking, candy eating beau Lamar Odom (The couple also known as Lardashian, a.k.a. Kush Man and Franken Hooker) have embarked on a new quest. The two entrepreneurs have created a unisex scent that you can buy at your local Stater Brothers and other not-so-fine retailers near you.  This is a perfume commercial greater than any ever created, particularly because it features a scent that all of us can wear together and smell the same.

So why the name, “Unbreakable?”  Could it be due to her mental and physical density?  I do like the fact that it could be named for Lamar’s strength, as it could only take a man of Lamar’s considerable physical stature to hoist a beast like that on his back, as he did on his commercial.

Odom will never average 19 and 9 with that monkey, I mean Wildebeest, on his back.

Just when I think Lardashian can’t top themselves, they come out with something like this.  But what must it smell like?  I will leave it to you, the readers, but I would guess it’s somewhere between liquefied THC, anti-freeze, vinegar, body odor, and 2 month old Halloween candy.  I would call it Eau De Stanque.  Feel free to leave your nomination for scent combinations and brand names below.

Embattled Washington Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas pled guilty Friday to felony gun possession.  Arenas was originally cited for the locker room incident with teammate Javaris Crittenden, where both player allegedly pointed guns at each other.  Arenas has since tried to chalk all 4 guns he had in the locker room and the entire incident up to a practical joke.  The charge can carry up to 5 years in prison, and the plea is an attempt to get community service and probation instead.  Moreover, its a desperate move to save his $80 million dollars from the Wizards, who would love nothing more than to terminate the contact that has hamstrung the franchise, and start over.

Some news outlets made a giant deal out of it, and perhaps it is to the general public.  To us here at notespn, its business as usual for the NBA.  A league that has gone away from the classy spit and polish of Magic, Bird, and Jordan to the me-first, self-centered thug/gangster that the NBA has become.

Arenas (self nick-named “Agent 0”) falls into that category. And it might be a bigger deal if he was a big star on a big team, but Agent 0 is long removed from the day he hung 60 on the Lakers.  Certainly, if this were Kobe or Lebron, it would be shattering.  But this gives David Stern, which regularly rules with a Stalin-esque iron fist minus the genocide, a chance to firmly discipline a talented player without any real detriment to the league’s popularity or its marketing.

This is why players like Dwight Howard and Chris Paul are so refreshing.  They take us back to the glory years of the NBA, the 80’s and the 90’s.  Charismatic, engaging, and making the league fun.  Players that help out in their community and do charity work.  No promotion of “being hard”, having guns, bitches and ho’s.  No “making it rain” in the club or treating a hooker like your own personal sex puppet while your wife and 3 kids can’t wait for loving husband/father to get back from the 3 game road trip.

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Conversely, this is why players like Allen Iverson, Ben Wallace, Anthony, Stephen Jackson, Ron Artest, and (any of the rest of the players vs. fans brawl from the Palace a few years ago) the like are such pains in the ass…players who’s sense of self is greater than the good of their team, players like Kobe Bryant used to be, not that long ago.

We’ll see how it plays out, and without any jail time, the Wizards reportedly will have a tough time getting out of the rest of the $80 million they owe to Arenas.  But we can rest assured of one thing.  Players like Chris Paul and Dwight Howard are few and far between, and until the culture changes, we can rest assured more happenings like Arenas will continue.

Let’s just hope next time, the perps don’t take the safety off.

The Electric Adventures of Cushman and Frankenhooker

This week, the loving union with a solid, well built foundation grounded in trust and years of bonding will be finalized.  No, not Charlie Weis’s endorsement deal with Hometown Buffet.  Lamar Odum and Khloe Kardashian’s wedding license will become official this week.  Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian can finally become one…we call it Lardashian.

The delightful details of their gala wedding have been widely published, and conversely the details of their prenuptial agreement have been kept on the down low. However, TMZ is reporting that it was just signed yesterday, and they have uncovered three major details. (1) Lamar’s recently signed contract of 4 years and $33 million is untouchable (A deal in which he lost almost $2million a year, see our story under the “Hoops” tab, “O-Dumb”).  However, Khloe has found a way to circumvent that, with (2) Lamar having to fund a stable amount in a joint account. So this money from his contract, or at least some of it, will no doubt find its way into Khloe’s paws.

In addition, (3) Lamar is also to purchase a large, luxurious home.

But where she really puts his ballz in her Louis Vuitton is if the two split.

Radaronline has reported that in case of the pair partying ways, Khloe demanded,a flat sum of almost 500,000 dollars for every year they were married; 25,000 dollars per month in general support; their new luxurious house and a new luxury car at the end of every lease cycle; 5000 dollars a month for shopping; 1000 dollars for beauty care and courtside Lakers tickets for the Kardashian family.

Its always awesome to ask for seats where you can sit for 3 hours, at least 41 times a year, merely feet away from your ex-spouse.  What a perfectly healthy request by Khloe, if a divorce were to take place.

Possible thought of Lamar Odom: "What the Hell did I just do?"

However, unconfirmed reports suggest the numbers, in the event of the divorce, may be off.  Stay tuned for updates (However TMZ, as usual, appears to have the sources and be right on the money with their story).

Guess you better not be screwing around like some of your teammates do on the road (checking into the team hotel under a false name and having your road hooker in there), ALLEGEDLY.

With a very wealthy family, 2 successful reality shows, and paid appearances, it wouldn’t seem she would need all this extra monetary compensation.  I mean, considering they knew each other almost a whole month before tyeing the knot.  I think Kanye said it best in his song Golddigger.  If the title doesn’t give it away, google the lyrics.

Make Sure To Check Out the Other Adventures of Lamar O-Dumb (Parts 1 and 2) in The Hoop Section!

Lardashian

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Clearly, so is booty, and lots of  it. That is the great reward soon to be officially claimed by Lamar Odom, as he nears wedded bliss with reality TV star Khloe Kardashian. Khloe is the big sister (physically, not age wise) and certainly makes for an interesting pairing with the low-key Odom. Largely regarded (in more ways than one?) as a nice guy, Odom seems to have fallen head over heels with the youngest Kardashian, so much so that on Sunday September 27th they will make it official, after only a month of dating.

We’ve seen athletes descend into oblivion after entering into a volatile relationship with a female star (most notably Mike Tyson after he began dating Robyn Givens) and Laker fans pray that is not the case here. Although Lamar is obviously far more mentally stable than Tyson (ganja and bags of sweets tend to make one very grounded) it certainly has all the makings of, if nothing else, an “eventful” union, as Kardashian’s 2 reality shows and constant attention of the paparazzi are opposite of Odom’s off court, low-key demeanor. Content to fire up the “electric lettuce” and keep to himself, such activities will be extremely difficult to continue with Kardashian and her family, all of whom cannot and seem unwilling to stay out of the public eye.

Speaking of the public eye, one thing that has plagued the Kardashian family is the controversial goings on surrounding the family. From Khloe’s DUI, to the televised “spoiled-rich-girl” fights between sisters, to Sister Kim’s sex tape with wanna-be- star Ray J, the Kardashians are not exactly the Brady Bunch. But some people (Let’s hear it for the depraved!) are hopeful that Khloe follow in her sister Kim’s footsteps, and make a sex tape. However, unlike the cinematic achievement created by the much smaller Kim and Ray J, this would be the gargantuan version of recorded Kardashian coitus. So if it happens, here’s to some big lovin’, Lamar. In fact, as long as you keep producing on the court, Laker fans don’t care whatever you produce off of it. Some might even encourage it.

Feel free to post your favorite Khloe-Lamar sex tape title below, of course complete with a candy reference…

Man, I need a blunt!

In a negotiation that can only be described as masochistic, Lamar Odom re-signed with the Lakers, for less money than he would have gotten just a few weeks prior.  Seeking the 5 year, $45 million deal, Lamar rejected the Lakers’ first offer of 4 year, $36million and 3 year, $30 million.  Once it became clear to him (as it was to the rest of the world at the start of the negotiations) that no other team could get close to the Lakers’ offer, Odom settled on a lower offer from the Lakers at 4 years and $33 million, making $1-2 million less a year than the original offers, due to ignorance and greed.

Lamar should thank his lucky ganja, because he has been the model of consistent inconsistency. Finding a championship club to pay him over $8 million a year in a bad economy is fortunate to say the least, and that’s an understatement.  You never know what you are going to get from one night to the next. One night he gets you 19 points and 11 boards, the next night its 6 points, 2 rebounds and 1 of 5 from the line. The fact that he thought he could get more than 9 million a year for 5 years anywhere is further testimony to his brainless ways. When the competition that isn’t as good offers you 30-35% less per year, who was he trying to kid? Here’s a transcript of what his negotiations with Dr. Buss might have sounded like:

Lamar: Yeah, I know we won last year. And I know you’re offering me 3.5 million more a year. And I know I have a house and a life and the best weather in the world here.
Buss: So what’ the problem?
Lamar: I just think I need to be paid what I’m worth, and I think I deserve a better offer from you.
Buss: But Lamar, the next highest bid is 3.5 million a year lower. Over 5 years that’s 17.5 million you would lose and probably never win a championship.
Lamar: Exactly…you feel me now? So make a better offer and I’m yours!
Buss: What The F#$%…

Although Odom has been disciplined for smoking the electric lettuce, he still continues to champion its use, and it is clear that he has completely smoked himself retarded.  I doubt I would ever let Lamar or his agent advise me in the fine art of negotiation.  Lamar and his agent wanted to play poker with a poker player, so let this be a lesson to anyone else trying to do the same.  Don’t call a poker player’s cards, if your cards aint s#$%.