More sexy time?  This time with another baseball all star?  Forget the half naked paintings Alex Rodriguez had made of himself as a centaur…this is far more erotic.  Especially when you consider the girlfriend, and what could come of it.

According to AP, Cleveland Indians center fielder Grady Sizemore sent partially nude photos of himself, taken with his own cell phone in front of a mirror, to his girlfriend, former playboy Playmate Brittany Binger.  Apparently, someone stole the photos off the email and posted them on the internet, where they have spread faster than a scorching case of herpes.

The next contestant in our poll

The Cleveland plain dealer is reporting that MLB has contacted these sites, issuing cease and desist letters to remove the photos.

http://www.cleveland.com/tribe/index.ssf/2009/12/grady_sizemore_making_progress.html

We haven’t had this brand of controversy in a few weeks, since it went public that former Ms. California Carrie Prejean went “hand-solo” on her own sex tape, which she sent to her boyfriend.

For the thoroughly depraved, which surely includes us, one can only imagine where we can go from here.  Maybe adult film producer Miles Long will contact both Sizemore and Prejean about starring in a video with each other, which surely would be the highest grossing recorded coitus since Lardashian’s sister got plowed by that version of a poor man’s R. Kelly, minus the urination. The mind wanders with ideas of what the title of the next film could be.

I have come up with these two so far.  “More Size in her Pre-Jeans”, and “The Size of Prejean”.

"The Gays? Please. Ask me about the DP!"

Please.  That’s okay.  Really…hold your applause.  You’re too kind.

But we invite you to leave your ideas for the movie title below.

Come to the Cabaret!!!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen…Presenting: Liza Minnelli!!! Yes, she has gotten her enormous arse out of the wheel chair and made an appearance at the Washed Up Broadway Star Awards.

Just Kidding.  That’s former-sure-fire-hall-of-famer-before-he-did-steroids, Sammy Sosa, making an appearance at the Latin Recording Academy Person of the Year Celebration in Las Vegas on November 4th.  When questioned about his shockingly white skin, he casually explained it away, stating that it is just a moisturizing cream he uses to make his skin soft, and sometimes lightens it.

Lightens it?  I didn’t know moisturizing cream was supposed to remove pigment.

And if indeed, it only affected where he applied, which would be his face, I do have to confess, I’ve never so badly wanted to see a man with his shirt off.  He better just hope he never forgets this side effect, and accidentally uses it as a lubricant when he’s aroused, his lady isn’t around, and he feels the sudden urge to play “Commander One-Hander”.

Senora Juggs and the corpse of Rudolph Valentino

If he is going for a look, maybe it’s the cracked-out tranny.  Better yet, perhaps it’s something more in vogue…so maybe he’s going for the Vampire-chique.  After all, you can’t turn on the TV anymore without some malnourished waif-male with fake fangs biting into some hot girl’s neck, only to have every other hot girl you know in real life think that the bleached skinned waif male is the studliest guy since Rodney Villanueva, or dare I say, Lorenzo Lamas (Recall, if you will, the great television series Renegade…He, and his mullet, were the SH$T!!!). And while there’s no denying the plowability of his wife on his arm with the enormous cans, I just wonder if she has a thing for Robert Pattinson.

So, who-or what-else does he look like?  We’d love to hear your comments below.

The stage was set….like many northeast bar fights of the past between two unreasonable and obnoxious fans….Philadelphia vs. New York…..Phillies vs. Yankees.  The wet dream for FOX had materialized. Would the matchup live up to its billing?  I give you a big, giant, veiny “affirmative”.

Game One brought us shear dominance by Philadelphia’s Cliff Lee in front of a rabid, ruthless and offensive New York mob, coupled with the throbbing wood of Chase Utley, as he bitch-slapped the giant C.C. Sabathia for two long ones.  Utley would get more than used to trotting around the bases on national television…by series’ end, he would have a total a five, tying a mark set by Reggie Jackson in 1977…by the end of the night you could hear the shuffling of baseball analysts from coast to coast backtracking on their predictions.  The Yankees had been strolling through the park throughout the duration of the playoffs….only to have the Phillies run by and steal their purse, feel them up and leave them feeling dirty and ashamed.

If this diamond fist fight were to manifest to its expectations, the Yankee bats would need to awaken….and their bullpen would have to add the phrase “scoreless” to their vocabulary.  In baseball, it’s awfully difficult to play catch up if you’re bullpen can’t subdue the opponent.  By series end, the Phillies would be facing the same dilemma.  Would the Yankees conjure up the strength to climb out of the sweaty, unshaven hole they’d found themselves in?  Luckily for the “Evil Empire”,  the tatted up Burnett was stellar, the bats livened up and the overwhelming chant of “Who’s your daddy” directed at a fluffy-haired Pedro all resulted in a Game Two Bronx victory.  The Yanks had managed to salvage a split in front of their home fans….allowing FOX to take a sigh of relief.  Speaking of FOX, how many advertisements for “The Box” did we have to sit through….we get it.  Cameron Diaz hits the button and then gets killed…..the only pleasure we derived from the eighteen thousand times we had to watch it was the fantasy of it actually happening to her.  Chick made a career out of a giggle….stop giggling!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Even though the Phillies would win Game 5 and send everyone back to New York, I don’t believe the Philadelphia players ever fully recovered from the heart wrenching loss.
With a travel day between games, it gave baseball fans time to realize the historic pitching matchup that would soon take place.  Andy Pettitte vs. Pedro Martinez….two pitchers with outstanding, lengthy careers…..pushing forty years-old….trying to muster up the ability to shut down a lethal opposition…or in reality, just hold them down enough to give their teams a chance to win.  Who would prevail?

Pedro’s velocity was down, allowing Hideki Matsui to drive in four runs, including a towering shot into the second deck of the right field stands.  Hideki would later drive a ball off the right-center field wall for two more RBI’s, giving him a total of six for the game, tying a world series record.  Andy Pettitte, despite an inability to consistently throw strikes, battled his way through five and two-thirds, allowing three runs.  A stellar Yankee bullpen performance followed…holding the Phillies to just two hits and zero runs for the remainder of the game.  A ground ball to second baseman Robinson Cano with Mariano Rivera on the mound ended the game, and the series.   The Yankee players were all smiles as they pretty much made out with each other on the infield grass…..knowing the ultimate goal had come to fruition.  Meanwhile, the all too familiar somber interview of the losing manager was taking place in the visiting clubhouse.  Charlie Manuel, who was obviously up way past his bedtime, spoke softly regarding the loss, while his nose leaked all over Ken Rosenthal.  Hey, can someone get this guy a tissue ????? Manuel was obviously disorientated throughout the entire series…especially this game.  I think at one point, I heard Old Man Manuel barking from the dugout for the neighborhood kids to get off his lawn.  Hey Charlie!  Were you even aware that you were at a baseball game???  This is the first time I’ve ever actually felt bad for a manager…I just want to hug him and feed him Jell-O.

All in all, this was a world series that won’t be forgotten any time soon…..unless you’re Jimmy Rollins (who batted just .217), Ryan Howard (.174) or Cole Hammels, who didn’t even want to be there, according to his quote earlier in the series.  Hideki Matsui was given the MVP after batting .615….Derek Jeter batted .407…..Johnny Damon .364. The Yankees didn’t dominate the Phillies…they just had a bit more timely hitting throughout the entire series.  Almost every time the Phillies hit a home run, no one was on base….that’s Jimmy Rollins’ job…didn’t happen.  So, hey, what did we learn?  I would say absolutely nothing….this series brought us great, dramatic baseball….and some soft core porn, thanks to the Yankee players’ post-clinch celebration.  Now pull your pants up and go watch some football.

The two mightiest teams left square off in the World Series Wednesday night.  Here are 2 predictions from our writers Vance Long and Dr. Kevin Creagh.  Feel free to come see them at the Giggle Castle in Sioux City, Iowa on November 19th.

Dr. Kevin Creagh Says:

Two juggernauts are slamming into each other this week like Rosanne Barr and Tom Arnold consummating a marriage.  Yes, folks, the New York Yankees have returned to “the show” after a long six year wait and are matched up against the reigning world champion Philadelphia Phillies.  Neither team has faced an opponent so mighty as the other this October, and the fireworks should be no less than spectacular.  Obviously, starting pitching will be at the forefront for both teams in deciding where their fate lies.  There is no doubt that the network who once employed Steve Phillips will be force-feeding you with sentences consisting of C.C. Sabathia, A.J. Burnett, Cliff Lee and Cole Hammels.

However, my take is of the most obvious….the deciding factor of this northeast showdown is none other than Kate Hudson.  Yeah, that’s right, I said it.  Before you decide to shut me out and go look at porn, allow me to explain.  It is of my opinion that this girl is what I call “a go-er”.  Whatever she has done to Alex Rodriguez, IT WORKS!! Have you seen the sudden October Swagger in this guy???  My lord!  You can see him literally choosing which pitch to drive into the alley.  This girl is so unbelievable, Owen Wilson tried to end his life when she cut him off….let’s not forget that Mr. Wilson is a movie star and can “pink sock” any girl he wants.  Whatever you’re doing, Kate….it seems you might be making occasional trips down to Philly, because Ryan Howard has the exact same look in his eyes….I’m kidding, of course…..or am I????

Here’s the bottom line:  The Yankees have the bullpen arms to shut down Howard in the later innings.  If the Phillies are to win this series, another hero must emerge.  Please welcome to the stage, Carlos Ruiz.  Despite a great performance by Alex Rodriguez…

Phillies in 6

Vance Long Says:

Another network dream come true.  If it wasn’t clear by the announcing in the division and championship series telcasts, the networks got their wish with the Phillies and the Yankees in the World Series.  Why they wouldn’t want at least one team from the #2 media market is anybody’s guess.  And while its true that the Dodgers and Angels both beat themselves just as much as the Phils and Yanks beat them, it doesn’t change the fact that this is the most antctipated World Series in years.

Both have murderer’s row lineups, including the Yankees with 8 guys with at least 18 home runs.  Both have an Ace starting pitcher, both of which were on Cleveland last year ( By the way Cleveland, if you want to keep being the farm team for the rest of baseball, I can think of a certain team out west that would love to have Grady Sizemore).  But the Yankees pitching depth is much better, both in the rotation and the bullpen.

The Phillies can even that up with their fans though. While many a Yankee fan will no doubt be heard screaming, “Hey-oah!  Oah-ay!  Utleeee, yer a real peeee-zuuhhhh shiihhhhhh!!!  How-uhd, come ovuh heehhhh so I can slap my connoli upside your big head, you f%$#-ball!” (please insert any other stereotypes in the comment section below), that’s nothing compared to Phillie fan.  When the series shifts back to Philadelphia, the true nastiness may emerge, as the Yanks will take the field in front of perhaps the most ill tempered and heartless fans in sports history.  Fans that cheered when Michael Irvin lay in near paralysis on the field at Veterans’ Stadium.  These fans will no doubt be holding up signs that read something like “Kate, I got A Rod For Ya” or “A-Rod. I took a ride on the Hudson.  And it Stank!” or any other barb to mess with A-Rod’s mind.

The problem is the Yankees haven’t played this well and looked this dominant since the late 90’s.  Go back to our original article “Red October” and see my prediction for a big post season from A-Rod.  Predicting a sweep may sound crazy, but it wouldn’t surprise me.  But I’m erring on the side of caution.

Yankees in 6

Its not over yet, and they still have Alyssa Milano

We all love October.  College Football and the NFL are in full swing, the NHL and NBA both open their seasons, and baseball has their playoffs and World Series. The steady constant of winning and losing during the regular season is exponentially amplified, now ranging from total euphoria to devestating heartbreak. This, as sports fans, is what we live for.  October, for sure, is the best time of year.

But it can also be the worst.  Below is an excerpt from one of our contributors, who all too well captures the anguish and disdain as her team, the Los Angeles Dodgers, have now been brought to the brink.   Regardless of if you are a Dodger fan or not, you can’t deny the passion.

I am a chick who loves sports.  My husband and I argue about which sport to watch on which TV.  More than anything, I love my baseball and the Dodgers.  I went to 20 games this year including one in Texas (Ranger fans were disappointingly unfriendly).  I’ve been to every home postseason game.  The other 162 regular home games I watched on TV, listened to on the radio or on XM.  I listen to the MLB Baseball channel on XM when I’m stuck at a desk.  I knew the starting lineup on opening day, which I have been present for the last 14 years.

Every opening day, you think this could be the year.  The first year since 1988 that we win the World Series, be the World Champions.  This year I believed our offense could carry us far but I had doubts about our pitching.  Our offense was great; the kids I’ve been watching grow up grew up this year.  The pitching, despite the fact we never had a number 5 starter or number 4 starter for that matter, was better than expected.

Now, it’s déjà vu all over again.  We sweep the first playoff series only to go down 4-1 in the next.  I hope I’m wrong.  I hope they prove me wrong.  I hope the Dodgers win Wednesday so I can go see them win Friday and Saturday and go on to the World Series.  But if we don’t Sherrill and Broxton both broke my heart.

In game 1 against Philadelphia, Sherrill gave up a 3-run home run.  We may have won that game 6-5.  In game 4, Broxton gives up a 2-run walk off hit.  I can’t even describe how angry I was at that moment.  Broxton has been such a disappointment.  Some of you may say he’s a great closer but I have higher expectations.  I have watched Gagne and Saito in the last 5 years be almost perfect.  Broxton was always set up because he was young, developing.  Didn’t he have time to perfect a second pitch?!  If you are going to be a closer, you’ve got to be fierce and I don’t think he has it in him.

As much as I love Joe Torre, I think he managed the end of game 1 and game 4 incorrectly.  After we got Sherrill, Torre used Broxton a few times in the 8th inning if the heart of the lineup came up and Sherrill to close out the 9th inning.  It worked perfectly.  I don’t know why he didn’t do it again.  I guess it’s another one of those questions that gets answered in Heaven.

And yes, I am aware in both games the Dodgers offense left men on base but this is the playoffs.  Runs are not supposed to come easy.   Let’s hope that the same intensity, the play until the bitter end is still in them and we have a chance to come back.  I saw Red Sox do it down 3-0 against the Yankees so I know it’s not an impossibility just an improbability.  I have seen a lot of improbable this year.  Let’s hope that year is not done.

Phillies vs. Dodgers

Attempting to avenge last year’s loss in 5 games, the Dodgers once again meet up with the Phillies in the NLCS.  This time, however, things may be different.

After dominating and dumping the St. Louis Cardinals, widely considered by many experts to breeze through the National League playoffs, the Dodgers seem to have found their early season form, minus Manny on Steroids of course.  While we cannot imagine a pennant winning pitching staff comprised of Clayton Kershaw, Randy Wolf, and Vicente Padilla, the Dodgers already blasted through the best staff remaining in the National league in Carpenter, Wainwright, and Pinero. On paper, the staff of Cliff Lee (maybe the best trade deadline acquisition this year) J.A. Happ (although he may be moved o the bullpen for soft throwing Pedro Martinez), and last season’s post season stud Cole Hamels should be far superior.  Then again, that’s paper.  And while the Manny isn’t hitting .600 like he did last year, other players have stepped up.  Matt Kemp might be one of the 5 best young players in the league.  He can do it all: defense, speed, power, and hit for average.  The Phillies have a lot of punch in that lineup, and may have the best 1-6 in the league.  They should score minimum of 4 runs a game, but even that may not be enough to get past the Dodgers, especially with their home field advantage.

KEY:  The Bullpen

The Dodgers bullpen is far superior to the Phillies, which is the Phillies’ Achilles heel.  Any time you have two opponents where the same attribute is one’s strength and the other’s weakness, the one who has that strength should win.

Angels vs. Yankees

The improbable story of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim-I’m just going to call them Anaheim Angels from here on out-continues against the best team in the league.  However, what’s different this time for the Angels is the fact that they exorcised the demon that was the Boston Red Sox.  And it wasn’t just who they did, it was the way they did it:  On the road in a ballpark that has been their biggest kryptonite.  Against a team that has eliminated them every time the play in the post season for the last 23 years, including 12 of their last 13 games, and against the best bullpen and closer in baseball, all with nobody on, down to and down to their final strike.

The Angels, going back to the late 90’s, are the only team in baseball with a winning record against the Yankees.  This includes the Joe Torre years of glory, where they won 3 in a row.  Based on this, and the fact that they beat Boston, the Angels feel that there’s no one they can’t beat, including the Yankees.

For the Yankees, there’s no more question about whom the best in the East, or in baseball.  The Yankees racked up 103 wins, and after spending close to half a billion dollars on free agents-that’s right, BILLION-the dividends have immediately been paid. The Yankees downfall this decade has been their lack of starting pitching, and they addressed that by going out and getting C.C. Sabathia and A.J. Burnett.  Their ability to strike guys out, not just get ground ball or fly ball outs, is critical.  Keep the Angels off the bases, and they will be rewarded.  Mark Teixeira has earned every bit of his $188 million dollar contract in the first year, and after using the Angels last year as a bargaining chip, it should be competitive.  Most importantly, Alex Rodriguez is finally coming through in the post season, something other hated and steroid filled hall of famers never did.  But now he’s not o the juice, and after missing over a month still finished in the league leaders in home runs and RBI’s upon his return.  See our article “Red October”-we predicted him to have his first great post season, and so far he’s not disappointing. The Angels bullpen has been shaky at best, and against Mariano Rivera, the Yanks definitely have the advantage.  Then again, the “experts” said that about the Angels vs. the Red Sox too.

KEY: Angels on the base paths.  If the Angels are able to get on base, distract the pitcher and go first to third, as they do better than any team, they can pull it off.  If the Yankees are able to strike guys out and keep the Angels off the bases that will go along way in securing their first pennant in 6 years.

Predictions

Phillies/Dodgers

Our proud Irish Friend and baseball nut, Mr. Reeve O’Leedus, has offered his predictions against mine.  He should be out golfing, drinking, peeling potatoes or getting in a fight.  He may do it all in one night, but he knows baseball, and its fun to see who he picked.  If he’s right though, I have to stroke his shillelagh (sha-la-lee).

“Ahh, to be sure, Phillies pitching is not as dominant as it were last year.  Cole Hamels and Brad Lidge have fallen back to earth to the peat.
Mr. Ryan Howard went 3-for-28 with 11 strikeouts against the Dodgers this year, and Utley and Jimmy Rollins both were a wee bit under 200.  Cliff Lee will be pitching on short rest, and the lads, Ethier, Kemp have grown up.  The Dodgers bench, their left handed pitchers against their left handed line up, and Manny’s a hittin again.  And the Dodgers have home field advantage”. –Irish Reeve O’Leedus

My Prediction:  Dodgers in 7                   Irish Reeve O’Leedus: Dodgers in 6

Starting Pitching        Phillies                   Phillies
Bullpen                      Dodgers                  Dodgers
Defense                      Phillies                   Phillies
Power                         Phillies                   Phillies
Run Production          Phillies                   Dodgers
Speed                         Phillies                    Phillies
Bench                         Dodgers                  Dodgers
Manager                     Dodgers                  Dodgers
Intangibles                 Dodgers                   Dodgers

Angels vs. Yankees

Irish Reeve O’Leedus offers his picks for the ALCS. The bet on this series is I have to bath him in a bowl of Lucky Charms if I lose.  I think I’d actually do the NLCS wager twice: stroking his shillelagh (sha-la-lee).

“ Mr. Sabathia is the only dominant pitcher the Yanks be havin’, Andy Pet it (please)  is below mediocre, so the pitching advantage goes to the Angels.  The Angels also have the “Do it for Adenhart story”.  The history of the Angels beating the Yanks does a wee bit further in helping them, to be sure that’s right.  Mr. Scoscia should outcoach Mr. Girardi
But can Vlad hit?  He has to in order for them to win.  However, Mr. Teixeira and his Portuguese blood is unstoppable.  If he were Irish he’d be puttin’ Shamrock Shake all over ya.”-Irish Reeve O’Leedus

My Prediction: Yankees in 7          Irish Reeve O’Leedus: Angels in 7

Starting Pitching       Push                        Angels
Bullpen                     Yankees                  Yankees
Defense                     Angels                     Angels
Power                       Yankees                   Yankees
Run Production        Angels                      Angels
Speed                        Angels                     Angels
Bench                        Push                        Angels
Manager                    Angels                     Angels
Intangibles                Angels                     Angels

Watch Your Team In Prime Time! Unless You're On The West Coast...

UPDATE: 10/19/2009

After the 11-0 pounding of the Los Angeles Dodgers, Ryan Howard answered questions at a press conference.  Athletes and anyone involved in sports with half a brain will tell you that nothing is ever certain, especially in a 7 game series (Just ask the Yankees after losing the 2004 ALCS to Boston whjen they were up 3 games to zero).

But that didn’t stop one reporter, who didn’t identify herself, when she asked Howard something both presumptuous and ignorant.  The question, almost verbatim, asked Howard how it was going to feel to face C.C. Sabathia.

Last I checked, The Yankees were only up 2-0, and the Phillies were up 2-1.  Blatant and obvious disrespect for both L.A. teams, but to Howard’s credit, after letting out a stunned “Wow”, he stated that the Angels and Yankees looks like its going to be a good series, and that the Phillies still obviously aren’t done with the Dodgers.  He even rolled his eyes and laughed through his answer, knowing it was an irresponsible and horrible question.

Got more examples of East Coast Bias?  Post them here!

I just had to turn down an invite to Game 2 because it’s a 1:30pm afternoon game instead of a night game.  Oh, but wouldn’t you know, the people in Philadelphia get to see Game 1 just past 8 (perfect primetime) while we are either missing half of the game, or scampering to leave work early or sitting in massive traffic trying to get to game, let alone pick up kids from school, & get dinner started.  Then there’s Game 2, where the good people of Philly get to get off work just a little early on a Friday night & get home or to a bar or something, while we are right smack dab in the friggin middle of the work day.  We either have to use a vacation day or a sick day & either way, even being the home team, we don’t get to truly rage like a night weekend game would allow for.

And then there are the fine Yankee fans in NYC.  They get 7:30 start times for both Friday & Saturday nights.  Weekend night games for both Games 1 & 2.  No work day after either game.  How perfect & convenient. Plenty of time to get liquored up & rock that stadium.

They get a 7:30pm Friday night home game & I get a 1:37pm Friday afternoon home game that I have to TURN DOWN because I’m still at work!!!  How festive would I be & the rest of our fans be if our game got at least a 7:10pm start?  If the friggin regular season games in L.A. during the week against East Coast teams start at 7:10pm, then the friggin playoff games should be the same….OK fine……I’d even be ok with an early start by an hour.  6pm for us, 9pm for East Coast.  Still primetime.  Why can’t that work??

Son of a flippin beeotch

Yes, I’m angry.  I hope the Angels & the Dodgers kick the living sh** out of both of them.  Then we start EVERY WEEKDAY GAME of the FREEWAY SERIES at 7:10 Pacific Time, so we, the fans of OUR baseball teams can comfortably get to OUR own stadiums & bars ON TIME to watch OUR own teams play & screw everyone else & their flippin time zones…..

Signed—One angry Barbo

The New Logo of the St. Louis Cardinals. Photo with "Gimp" gag ball in mouth not available.

After a dominating performance by Adam Wainwright, the Cardinals’ Matt Holliday choked away game 2 of the NLDS.  This type of choke has rarely been seen before, except perhaps in bondage films.  Then again, Dodger fans can only describe it as a gift.  This gift was so generous; in fact, it reminded me of the first time my dad bought me a hooker for my birthday.  I love turning 15… it was a great year!

This loss can only be seen as irrecoverable.  The Cardinals are now down 0-2, both of their best pitchers have thrown, and now have to win 3 straight.  More devastating, however, is that they are completely demoralized over a game that was, literally, in hand.  Their left fielder’s to be exact.

The Dodgers offense had been shut down all day by Adam Wainwright.  And, after closer Ryan Franklin got the first 2 outs in the 9^th, it was a foregone conclusion the game was over.  And as the game ending fly ball approached Holliday, you could feel the worry of Dodger fans going back to St. Louis tied at 1-1.

Thanks for the gift, Mr. Holliday!

But the game didn’t end.  Holliday misplayed the ball, allowing James Loney to get to 2^nd base, where he was pinch run for by Juan Pierre.  Case Blake, with 2 strikes on him, works the count full and walks.  Ronnie Belliard singles to center to tie the game, and you could almost, nay, you could feel what was coming next.  Franklin walked Russell Martin to load the bases.  Then, Mark Loretta, 0-15 in his career against Franklin, singled to center for the victory.

In one of the best examples of sore loser statements ever witnessed, Wainwright’s sparkling performance was tainted by his excuse making.

“He lost the ball in the 50,000 white towels shaking in front of his face,” Wainwright said. “It doesn’t seem really fair that an opposing team should be allowed to shake white towels when there’s a white baseball flying through the air. Dodger blue towels — how about that?”

Obviously, Wainwright isn’t aware that Chavez Ravine is in gangland, and blue towels would no doubt spark violence.  The organization has chosen to remain gang-neutral, opting for the white towels.

But who is the “goat” exactly?  Holliday might be the head goat, but certainly the case can be made that there is a herd.  How about Ryan Franklin, the stud closer who walked 2 batters and allowed 2 more hits after Holliday’s gift.  If he gets one of those batters out, the game is over.  How about the Cardinal’s offense, which is averaging 2.5 runs per game.  How about Tony Larussa, who, once it was clear Franklin’s head was gone, stayed with him, instead of bringing in a pitcher who is used to these pressure situations and has pitched very well since the Cardinals acquired him, John Smoltz.

Certainly, most of the blame will go to Holliday, but the Cardinals have done their part to be down 0-2.  Some times you see balls bounce a certain way, certain calls go a certain way, etc.  Call it destiny, the baseball Gods, whatever.  After game 2’s debacle, it is clear that the powers that be have penciled in the Dodgers to win this series.  The way the Dodgers won went beyond fundamentals.  You dug yourself a big hole Cardinals.  Hope you have a rope long enough to climb out.  It appears, however, that the rope is only long enough to allow you to hang yourselves.

Minnesota Twins vs. New York Yankees

With the Yankees firmly owning the best record in baseball, they elected to have recently crowned AL Central Champion Minnesota Twins take a late night flight to New York, hoping to capitalize on their fatigue.  It’s going to work.  Without Justin Morneau, their best power hitter and operating on all heart, the Twins look to be nothing more than the fat girl you talk to in order to get to her hot friend.  Get all your lumps out, pretend you care, work her over, and prepare for the one that’s going to make you King.  In this case, Boston or Anaheim.   The Twins will keep it close in most games, but the Yankees are just too awesome.  In a short series with CC Sabathia and AJ Burnett, the gutty little Twins’ luck and grit will run out.  The Yankees are 7-0 against the Twins this year, and its broom time in the Big Apple again.  Look for Alex Rodriguez, unlike any other post season, to have a big one.

Yankees in 3   

Colorado Rockies vs. Philidelphia Phillies

With the late season surge by the Colorado Rockies, no one is talking about the defending champions.  The Phillies boast a top 3 offense and two great starting pitchers.  Well, one of those hasn’t been great lately, but look for Cole Hamels to rebound.  J.A. Happ is great at #3.  It’s going to be a tough series.  The Phillies lead the National League in home runs total bases, and runs scored.  But the Rockies have 40 come from behind victories, and they will be going up against a Phillies bullpen (their Achilles heel) that is suspect at best and will serve the game up on a silver platter at its worst.  Brad Lidge has been choking harder than Jenna Jamison engulfing a “flesh-sickle” lately.  In the end, playing in two hitters’ ballparks, we just don’t see the Rockies being able to out slug the Phillies, but it should go down to the wire.

Phillies in 5

St. Louis Cardinals vs. Los Angeles Dodgers

The cards are 29-11 in their last 40 vs. the Dodgers.  It will be a tight series, but apparently Manny cannot hit the ball if he’s not on the juice anymore.  Look at his stats after he came back from his suspension.  He’s hitting .255 with only 10 home runs and 34 RBI’s since the all star break, and .143 against St. Louis this year.  And the first two Dodger pitchers leading off are Randy Wolf and Clayton Kershaw?  No one even knows who’s starting game 3?  If you can convince me a rotation of Randy Wolf, Clayton Kershaw, and Mystery Starter # 1 can go into a 5 game series and take out a rotation of two Cy Young Contenders in Chris Carpenter and Adam Wainwright, as well as a #3 that won 15 games in Joel Pinero, I’ll convince you that Oswald acted alone.  Oh, and the Cards also have the best hitter in baseball.

Cardinals in 5

Boston Red Sox vs. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

The Angels will find a way to sneak a game, but the first little mess up will destroy their psyche and ruin them for the rest of the series, just like it always does.  Every year it’s supposed to be different.  And every year it’s the same result.  Until the Angels prove otherwise, it’s not prudent to pick them in the series.  The key will be the late innings.  If the Red Sox have a lead after 6 innings, you can pretty much forget it.  Their bullpen is vastly superior to the Angels.  I would feel confident about having Boston’s line up face sorry-ass-excuse-for-a-closer, Brian Fuentes (Boston is hitting .412 against him, and he sports an 8.10 ERA and a WHIP over 3.0), than the Angels having to come from behind against the best closer in baseball, and resident jerk-off and lord of fairy-dance, Jonathon Papelbon.

Red Sox in 4                                   

Say what you want about the Angels.  The fact that they continue to make the playoffs year after year is a testimony to how solid their organization is.  However, they have only been to the ALCS twice during that time.  In fact, three times this decade, they have been eliminated in the playoffs by the Boston Red Sox, whom they will all but certainly face again this year. The stigma is that when the chips are down, the Angels can’t win the big one.  The fact that they are beginning to resemble the Atlanta Braves of recent years, who won 14 division titles in a row and only 1 World Series in that time, is eerily uncomfortable for Angel fans.

Strange things seem to happen every time the Angels visit Boston, and maybe that’s in their heads.  (See our story “Choke Job”)  But this year has been unlike any other year for the Angels.  Three of their five starting pitchers were out for several months.  Early in the year, they lost Scott Shields, widely regarded as the best set up man in baseball, for the season.  Almost a third of the way through the season, they were 8 games under .500.  And most notably in the first week of the season, just a few hours after a stellar pitching debut yielding 6 scoreless innings, they lost their number five starter and rising young star pitcher Nick Adenhart, not just for the year, but forever.

So when the Angels clinched the American League Western Division Monday night, there was talk of no champagne.  No celebratory beer shower.  Just a few congratulatory hugs, and on to business.  After all, the Angels have been here before, and Boston is waiting.  Every year, it seems, for Angel fans.

But they did celebrate Monday night.  There were beer showers.  There was champagne.  And there was also something else.  The players grabbed Nick Adenart’s jersey, present at their side every night in the dugout, and showered the number 34 with beer and champagne.  The chant was A-den-hart…A-den-hart in the clubhouse.  It’s doubtful the emotion captured in that photo could be duplicated any time soon, but doubt is what the Angels are trying to exorcise.  The players took to the field, and after briefly showering the fans with beer, champagne, and a field hose, they jogged in unison to the outfield.  They chanted again, A-den-hart…A-den-hart, and showered the photo of Nick Adenhart that adorns the centerfield wall.  They tapped it, put their heads on it, and thanked it.  Then, they took a picture with it, with Adnehart’s face behind them and above them, perhaps looking down on him as he has all season.

The Yankees have their superstar roster.  The Red Sox have perhaps been the organization of the decade.  The Cardinals have the best player in baseball.  The Phillies are the defending champions.  And the Dodgers, for all their woes and underachieving since they won it all in 1988, still dominate the Southern California baseball market.

But no matter who you root for, as a baseball fan, or even a sports fan, if you watched the Angels tribute to their fallen comrade Monday night and your heart didn’t jump into your throat just a little bit….then maybe you don’t have one.

And maybe, just maybe, that will make it different this year.  We’ll find out in early October.