Angelina…oh, Angelina.  We’ve loved you since your portrayal of heroine-addicted lesbian supermodel “Gia”.  We loved you ever since you and Billy Bob had each other’s blood in viles around your neck.  Your very public display of affection with one of Hollywood’s creepies projected the “I don’t give a F%&$” attitude that all men find so sexy.  Your tattoos insinuate “naughty girl”.

Your body is streamlined, your bosom ample, your face so perfect it seems more like a painting than real. Everyone knows your piercing eyes and trademark lips. But perhaps most endearing is your humility.  When told by interviewers that you are “the most beautiful woman in the world”, or the “sexiest woman alive” you look away, humble, and offer appreciation, but acknowledging that you have always felt that you are sort of “odd-looking”.

The fact that you plucked the world’s most sought after man from a hot Jennifer Anniston only speaks to your powers of seduction.  And if anyone reading this doubts us, go rent “Original Sin” starring Angelina and Antonio Banderas.  This film and the lengthy, flesh-filled, erotic love scenes are the main reason we harbor so much hatred toward that Spanish bastard. At least if it was with Jason Alexander or Wayne Knight (“George” and “Newman” from Seinfeld) we could dilute our envy with a bit of compassion, for you surely would have engaged in such an erotic scene as a charity case, or humor, for you surely would have done it as a joke. But you leave us to crave, to envy, to wish that there were more of your kind. Then again, if there were, you wouldn’t be you.  F$%& you Brad Pitt.

Megan Fox…You project the naughty girl that needs to be disciplined.  However, your self confidence also would make you a great dominatrix, and yeah, we’d be interested.  In fact, there’s not much we wouldn’t allow her to do to us, including a severe beating.

She remains one of only 2 women that we would allow to give us the “Morey Eel”. But why is Fox the “It” girl? Maybe it’s because she has the body women would kill for, and men would kill to be with.  And the face to match.  Maybe it’s those naughty girl tattoos along the rib cage, undoubtedly speaking to her tolerance of pain.

Maybe it’s your outspoken statements, including recently when you told Rolling Stone, “Men are intimidated by powerful, confident vaginas.  But I wasn’t born with a special vagina.”  All these are valid reasons why we have pictures of you nailed to our headboard.  And our ceiling.  Photos of you are everywhere, and we still can’t get enough of you.

So wait…Amazing Body, Perfect Face, Naughty Girl Attitude, Tattoos, Outspoken, Bi-Sexual tendencies…sounds a lot like our previous contestant, just younger.  Maybe, just maybe, you are the “It” girl, because you are to be the next Angelina, only 12 years younger.

So I guess what we have to decide is, do we want the Classic, or the new model?

Need further proof that Chris Brown is one of the dumbest mother f$%&ers in the history of man?  Check out the photographic evidence.  We don’t care if she’s high maintenance or who started what, damaging this gorgeous Barbados queen sets the bar for stupidity.  Unlike other pop stars, she’s can actually sing (sorry Britney). In addition to perfect smile and brilliant eyes that have made her a model for Cover Girl, there’s no denying the body either.  The “Good Girl Gone Bad” can pretty much have her pick of any man she wants.  Where do we sign?

Britney

Gone is the innocent girl that you could turn naughty. Gone is the shaved head and British accent. However, having gotten her long blond hair and delicious figure back, the fact remains that most men would still like to have a turn on the Britney-go-round, and almost every man has a secret desire in him for a little “crazy”. Plus, it would be really cool to party with the illest ex-husband ever and master of street cred, K-FED (that wasn’t supposed to rhyme).

Noureen DeWulf

This Muslim Indian beauty was raised in New York City, and gives us the hankering for some vindaloo (A very hot Indian dish…see the correlation?).  Noureen can most recently be found in the comedy “The Goods” with Jeremy Piven.  When you’re not breaking a rib laughing during the film, feel free to drool at Ms. DeWulf.  She has the ability to look like your calculus class study buddy, and in an instant turn into the study buddy that’s gone horribly, wonderfully wrong.

Natasha Malthe

In keeping with the theory of every female named Natassia being hot, this Norwegian-Malaysian Goddess doesn’t disappoint.  Malthe’s Maxim photos do her the most justice.  Her filmography is primarily comprised of the darker genres, like the Vampire and the undead.  This means lots of leather.  Poor us.  Google and enjoy.