Dirty Blond
Unless you’ve been, well, dead, your ears and eyes have at least heard or seen exactly the performance of which I speak of. I’ve been appalled all weekend by the slanderous reports degrading the play and character of this fine, young woman. The “false outrage” surrounding this sickens me. Can’t we just be honest? Here, at NOT ESPN, we like to give it to you straight. America loves this stuff…of course the politically correct thing to say is, “This girl should be reprimanded for her unsportsman-like conduct!”. C’mon guys, the truth is sports fans live for these moments. Could you imagine a sport full of Elizabeth Lamberts? The ratings would be through the roof! First of all, women’s soccer should be thanking Ms. Lambert for bringing their sport into the news….hell, when our United States women win the World Cup every four years, we barely even hear a word of it. Bottom line….no one cares about women’s soccer….UNTIL NOW. Until this angel sent from heaven (or, um, Lancaster, California….which we all know resembles heaven in every way) fluttered down from the sky with a mighty forearm and a readiness to kick anyone in the teeth who came within fifty yards of her. I’m not going to re-hash every awesome face slap or pony tail whiplash maneuver….we’ve all seen the video. This chick was like a machine-gunner spinning in circles….literally leaving the BYU girls lying on the field crying….terrorizing them in a way that most definitely caused nightly night terrors that no doubt will continue for weeks.
I happen to do some very in-depth research on this fine female specimen. The boring bio info includes the following…and then we’ll get to the good stuff. Her full name is Elizabeth Ann Lambert….born 12-29-88…Lancaster, California…5’8”…and she is a junior defender for UNM. Wonderful. She also loves tacos….um….does she? Apparently, she loves to camp as well…..oh, my lord! Wouldn’t that be a treat? Don’t burn the coffee or accidentally put out the fire…you’re liable to get kicked in the shins…or worse!
Female soccer players around the globe can rest assured that Ms. Lambert has been suspended indefinitely from playing any college sports. Here’s a little tidbit of Lambert’s formal “apology”…”I am especially sorry to BYU and the BYU women’s soccer players that were personally effected by my actions. I have the utmost respect for the BYU women’s soccer program and its players”. Girl……uh……no you don’t. I’m so sick of America forcing people to give insincere apologies. Newsflash! Elizabeth Lambert is not sorry…..she loved it! And I love her for it!!!
I know dating her would be a bit of a health risk….no doubt you would be treated to bi-weekly trips to the ER….but holy smokes, can you imagine how stellar “other areas” of the relationship would be? I just had to stick a fork in my leg to stop thinking about it! Look, I’m not going to be calling on her to baby-sit my son anytime soon, but she sure would be handy to have around. You could leave a sign on your side gate, “Beware of Elizabeth Lambert”. No burglar is going to stick around for that ass whoopin’. So folks, don’t be so quick to judge this girl….this country was founded on people like Elizabeth….well, maybe not….but instead of lambasting her, let’s celebrate an athlete that doesn’t cower in the face of pressure. Maybe if the St. Louis Rams would channel their “inner-Lambert”, they wouldn’t be sitting at 1-7….stupid Rams….remember when you weren’t an embarrassment? Ah, don’t get me started. I’ll leave you with a quote from a NOT ESPN uber-fan, Juan Escalante. “If you go to Belize, don’t kiss any girls until you’ve seen what they got going on downstairs….they will trick you…I’ve heard.” Uh…..thanks Juan. I don’t see how that was relevant….anyway, that’s enough soccer talk. Proceed with your awful lives.
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The chick that got punched in the back had it coming. The ponytail chick was a good enough actress to fake the flop, but not good enough to do it with a straight face. Hence the need to cover her laugh while lying on the ground………… Remember the good ol’ days when women rassled around in mud on Wednesday nights at the Crazyhorse Saloon? Those were good times.
That was a brutal elbow, A forearm shiver and a tug of the hair seems fair.
Hey, in soccer if you can get a way with it, it’s ok. She just got caught. Or did she? I am not sure if the referee saw it. Does anyone know? If the ref did not see the activity then someone’s chicken-shit video should not have caused the girl to be suspended. Soccer IS a contact sport.
Good point, Tricky Dick. Why was she being filmed even when she was way off the ball? I suspect she has a history of naughty behavior….and perhaps the other team was filming her in an attempt to put her in hot water. This reminds me of the time I was down in Lima….those no-good Peruvians pushed me down and beat me with my own boots. It was humiliating….those schoolgirls were ruthless.
This chick is an idiot! If you wanna punch a girl or pull a ponytail, you certainly don’t do it when you KNOW you’ll get caught! You just wait in the locker room and ambush girls there. Duh. At least that’s how I used to roll??
I was wondering how come there is not GOLF specific section? For that matter there is no general comment section. It would be nice if we could just comment about sports in general. There are more sports topics than football, baseball, hockey, and basketball.
I was a little shocked to see her actions but soccer at that level is very physical. I too wonder if the ref saw it or if it was brought to his attention by the fans. Of course the media caught it, or what we think is all of it. I doubt this is the first time she’s been this aggressive during a game. I don’t know that I agree with her actions completely but America needs to realize that competition is ok and sometimes it’s going to get a little rough. Even for girls.
Maybe she may have a career with the WWE.