Not So Slick, Rick

Yeah we suck, what else do you want me to say?

After so many years of underachieving, it certainly couldn’t get any worse, right?  So when UCLA brought in alumni and supposed offensive genius Rick Neuheisel in 2008, and contracted the most respected offensive mind in the college game in the last 10 years in Norm Chow to be offensive coordinator, UCLA was certain to rebound. It would take a couple years, but with these two gurus recruiting, certainly UCLA would be back, and be able to grapple with USC for bragging rights in Southern California and Pac-10 supremacy.

A couple years later, the doo-doo it’s the fan at USC Due largely to former athletic director Mike Garrett and over-rated running back Reggie Bush’s arrogance (and to an extent former head coach Pete “The Cheat”  Carroll and his ridiculous attempt at trying to pull the plausible deniability), sanctions came down on USC rivaling that of the U.N. on Iran.  USC, facing more turmoil than Charlie Sheen and his porn family, tried to calm the fan base by luring Norm Chow away from UCLA, and back to SC where he was able to showcase his offensive genius a national level.  Chow turned down considerably more money to stay with UCLA.  There was much speculation about Chow not being able to call his own plays and being subservient to the far lesser talented USC coach Lane Kiffin, but for whatever the reason-call it honoring your word- Chow stayed at UCLA.  He was rewarded with a contract extension.

So its now 3 years later, and the Bruins are coming off their worst season in 21 years (remarkably, it’s tied with 2008, also under Neuheisel).  So what do they do?  Leave Norm Chow in limbo after they signed him to an extension before the year, and make it uncomfortable enough that he negotiates a buy out and leaves for Utah.  That is the equivalent of the high school nerd landing the hot cheerleader, and when she has the chance to run off with the football star, she stays with the nerd, only to have said nerd cheat on her. Granted, UCLA finished 103rd in total offense and 116th in passing offense.  Considering there are only 120 division 1 schools, yeah, that sucks more harder than Hefner’s “Girls Next Door”. I’d like UCLA athletic director Dan Guerrero and Slick Rick to explain to everyone how they thought it a good idea to enter the recruiting season with no offensive or defensive coordinator.  The result?

Landing only 1 ESPN top 150 recruit in QB (97th overall)

"Yeah, its kind of tough to recruit with no coaching staff. But don't worry. I'm Slick Rick."

As spring football approaches, UCLA looks to enter the season with their worst team in at least 10 years. The continuous regression of the program makes its supporters want to vomit.  Bruin fans can make fun of their cross town rivals all they want and question their character, but it didn’t stop USC from pulling in the #4 recruiting class in the country, even though they are still not bowl eligible, and still losing down scholarships for the next 2 years.

The fact also is that after so many people called for his head, not since Bob Toledo was head coach has UCLA at least had an identity. They were at least fun to watch, and while the defense was porous, their spectacular offense and gimmick play calling almost always ensured they were going to be in the game, and it would be exciting.

"If you all want a new coach, let me hear ya make some noise!"

Slick Rick better get the SS Minnow of a football program in Westwood righted, and call Digable Planets to try to get the “Rebirth of Slick” happening, or he could be gone.  And with the lack of players and a recruiting class that virtually guarantees difficulty in winning for years to come…I never thought I would say this…but please bring back Karl Dorrell.

With the real Slick Rick, UCLA might have a more productive offense.

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