Say It Aint Sosa!!!

Come to the Cabaret!!!!!

Come to the Cabaret!!!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen…Presenting: Liza Minnelli!!! Yes, she has gotten her enormous arse out of the wheel chair and made an appearance at the Washed Up Broadway Star Awards.

Just Kidding.  That’s former-sure-fire-hall-of-famer-before-he-did-steroids, Sammy Sosa, making an appearance at the Latin Recording Academy Person of the Year Celebration in Las Vegas on November 4th.  When questioned about his shockingly white skin, he casually explained it away, stating that it is just a moisturizing cream he uses to make his skin soft, and sometimes lightens it.

Lightens it?  I didn’t know moisturizing cream was supposed to remove pigment.

sammysosa3

And if indeed, it only affected where he applied, which would be his face, I do have to confess, I’ve never so badly wanted to see a man with his shirt off.  He better just hope he never forgets this side effect, and accidentally uses it as a lubricant when he’s aroused, his lady isn’t around, and he feels the sudden urge to play “Commander One-Hander”.

Senora Juggs and the corpse of Rudolph Valentino

Senora Juggs and the corpse of Rudolph Valentino

If he is going for a look, maybe it’s the cracked-out tranny.  Better yet, perhaps it’s something more in vogue…so maybe he’s going for the Vampire-chique After all, you can’t turn on the TV anymore without some malnourished waif-male with fake fangs biting into some hot girl’s neck, only to have every other hot girl you know in real life think that the bleached skinned waif male is the studliest guy since Rodney Villanueva, or dare I say, Lorenzo Lamas (Recall, if you will, the great television series Renegade…He, and his mullet, were the SH$T!!!). And while there’s no denying the plowability of his wife on his arm with the enormous cans, I just wonder if she has a thing for Robert Pattinson.

So, who-or what-else does he look like?  We’d love to hear your comments below.

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Comments

2 Responses to “Say It Aint Sosa!!!”
  1. Tricky Dick says:

    He must have the same skin condition that Michael Jackson had!!

  2. Juan Escalante says:

    Are my eyes deceiving me? The Sammy Sosa I remember was a spitting image of my brother, Fernando. Now he looks like the goddess of Corpus Christi, Selena. My only run-in with Sammy was back in 92….he was sitting next to me in a saloon just outside of Cartegena….I challenged him to a staring contest….next thing I know I’m lying naked in an agave field with a note tied around my neck that said, “I’M A LOSER”. I’ve never forgiven that no good Dominican….I was so happy when his bat shattered and spewed cork all over the infield. To this day, if I ever see that cockroach again, I swear to return the favor tenfold…I can’t tell you what I will do, but let’s just say it will require a chicken and some WD-40.

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