Toro!  That’s the fatty part of the tuna, and considered a delicacy.  But Big Tuna Charlie Weis looks more like a week old California roll than a delicacy, at least as far as his performance is concerned.

In 2004, the university gave him a 10 year contract extension just halfway through his first year with a 5-2 record. That’s more premature than the sexual stamina of a 16 year old boy (and some 30 year old men I know…just saying). The sad thing is that his first year success was using a large portion of former coach Tyrone Willingham’s recruits. Since that extension his record 26-21, a mark barely above .500 in a football program and alumni and booster association that demands much more than mediocrity.

So is it a case of too much time in the buffet line and not enough time game planning?  After all, when his shirt is off, it looks like he still has a fanny pack on…made of flesh.  We can go low-brow all day with the fat jokes-and no, we’re not above it- but I’m sure Weiss would welcome fat jokes in comparison to the discussion of his job being on the line.

Built for Comfort, Not for Speed

Gone is Jimmy Clausen’s Hulk Hogan Hair (Balding on top, long blond locks down the back, also known as the “Skullet”), and perhaps so too are his clutch performances.  Actually, that’s yet to be shown by Clausen.  So why, with only 9 seconds left, would Weis call for throwing a fade to the front part of the end zone, which may as well have been a punt because it got so much hang time, and an extra 1-2 seconds run off?  Then, on what could have been the final play, Clausen throws to a receiver on a slant route 3 yards short of the goal line.  Luckily, he had one more chance to redeem himself, which turned into one more chance to show just how bad they could choke; throwing an incomplete pass that wasn’t even close.

Perhaps most importantly, how in the name of Touchdown Jesus do you have the ball on the 4 yard line, 9 seconds on the clock, a time out left, and NOT RUN THE DAMN BALL? The play calling ultimately cost Notre Dame the game, and that falls directly on Weis.  USC was up by 20 in the 4th quarter and it’s a down year for them.  They no longer have that great vertical passing attack that has been a staple of their offense since Pete Carroll came around.  And if they didn’t take their foot off Notre Dame’s throat, the outcome could have been a lot worse.

That’s 8 straight for USC over Notre Dame, with Weis winless since he’s been there.  The ILLUSION that they came back in the end when it looked like USC just wanted to go home probably saved his job, at least for the foreseeable. But another 2 losses will very likely turn Charlie Tuna into sashimi.  And not the delicacy, either.