Don't Ya Wanna Smell Like This?

So I’m watching the Super Bowl at this great new bar.  Yeah, I’m a bit biased because a good friend owns it, but aside from the hot women that go in there, it is even more keen for the fact that movie star Shia LaBeouf, who sits at the head table of high council of douche-baggery, got punched out there a few weeks ago (Mad Bulls Tavern in Sherman Oaks, California, for those that are curious).

So there I was…enjoying the game, the company of my brethren, the atmosphere, and the bevvy of hot women that are surrounding me.  Granted, none of them were there for me, but I was still there…you know…in the inner circle…amongst the “cool” people.  And even though the hotties were into my buddy, this meant that with a certain amount of degrees of separation, they were into me, right?  I was literally a few feet away from some of the finest flesh ever to grace the planet, but that ranking lasted only a moment.

Soon, the flesh that was so perfect was replaced my larger, more abrasive, intimidating skin.  I don’t know exactly when it happened.  I had not had an extreme amount of alcohol, nor had I had any hallucinogenic.  But what came on the TV screen and captivated the entire venue made half of me nearly puke up my pancreas, and the other half explode in glee.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Yes, it was true.  Ultra-masculine Khloe Kardashian and her weed smoking, candy eating beau Lamar Odom (The couple also known as Lardashian, a.k.a. Kush Man and Franken Hooker) have embarked on a new quest. The two entrepreneurs have created a unisex scent that you can buy at your local Stater Brothers and other not-so-fine retailers near you.  This is a perfume commercial greater than any ever created, particularly because it features a scent that all of us can wear together and smell the same.

So why the name, “Unbreakable?”  Could it be due to her mental and physical density?  I do like the fact that it could be named for Lamar’s strength, as it could only take a man of Lamar’s considerable physical stature to hoist a beast like that on his back, as he did on his commercial.

Odom will never average 19 and 9 with that monkey, I mean Wildebeest, on his back.

Just when I think Lardashian can’t top themselves, they come out with something like this.  But what must it smell like?  I will leave it to you, the readers, but I would guess it’s somewhere between liquefied THC, anti-freeze, vinegar, body odor, and 2 month old Halloween candy.  I would call it Eau De Stanque.  Feel free to leave your nomination for scent combinations and brand names below.

The Electric Adventures of Cushman and Frankenhooker

This week, the loving union with a solid, well built foundation grounded in trust and years of bonding will be finalized.  No, not Charlie Weis’s endorsement deal with Hometown Buffet.  Lamar Odum and Khloe Kardashian’s wedding license will become official this week.  Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian can finally become one…we call it Lardashian.

The delightful details of their gala wedding have been widely published, and conversely the details of their prenuptial agreement have been kept on the down low. However, TMZ is reporting that it was just signed yesterday, and they have uncovered three major details. (1) Lamar’s recently signed contract of 4 years and $33 million is untouchable (A deal in which he lost almost $2million a year, see our story under the “Hoops” tab, “O-Dumb”).  However, Khloe has found a way to circumvent that, with (2) Lamar having to fund a stable amount in a joint account. So this money from his contract, or at least some of it, will no doubt find its way into Khloe’s paws.

In addition, (3) Lamar is also to purchase a large, luxurious home.

But where she really puts his ballz in her Louis Vuitton is if the two split.

Radaronline has reported that in case of the pair partying ways, Khloe demanded,a flat sum of almost 500,000 dollars for every year they were married; 25,000 dollars per month in general support; their new luxurious house and a new luxury car at the end of every lease cycle; 5000 dollars a month for shopping; 1000 dollars for beauty care and courtside Lakers tickets for the Kardashian family.

Its always awesome to ask for seats where you can sit for 3 hours, at least 41 times a year, merely feet away from your ex-spouse.  What a perfectly healthy request by Khloe, if a divorce were to take place.

Possible thought of Lamar Odom: "What the Hell did I just do?"

However, unconfirmed reports suggest the numbers, in the event of the divorce, may be off.  Stay tuned for updates (However TMZ, as usual, appears to have the sources and be right on the money with their story).

Guess you better not be screwing around like some of your teammates do on the road (checking into the team hotel under a false name and having your road hooker in there), ALLEGEDLY.

With a very wealthy family, 2 successful reality shows, and paid appearances, it wouldn’t seem she would need all this extra monetary compensation.  I mean, considering they knew each other almost a whole month before tyeing the knot.  I think Kanye said it best in his song Golddigger.  If the title doesn’t give it away, google the lyrics.

Make Sure To Check Out the Other Adventures of Lamar O-Dumb (Parts 1 and 2) in The Hoop Section!