Don't Ya Wanna Smell Like This?

So I’m watching the Super Bowl at this great new bar.  Yeah, I’m a bit biased because a good friend owns it, but aside from the hot women that go in there, it is even more keen for the fact that movie star Shia LaBeouf, who sits at the head table of high council of douche-baggery, got punched out there a few weeks ago (Mad Bulls Tavern in Sherman Oaks, California, for those that are curious).

So there I was…enjoying the game, the company of my brethren, the atmosphere, and the bevvy of hot women that are surrounding me.  Granted, none of them were there for me, but I was still there…you know…in the inner circle…amongst the “cool” people.  And even though the hotties were into my buddy, this meant that with a certain amount of degrees of separation, they were into me, right?  I was literally a few feet away from some of the finest flesh ever to grace the planet, but that ranking lasted only a moment.

Soon, the flesh that was so perfect was replaced my larger, more abrasive, intimidating skin.  I don’t know exactly when it happened.  I had not had an extreme amount of alcohol, nor had I had any hallucinogenic.  But what came on the TV screen and captivated the entire venue made half of me nearly puke up my pancreas, and the other half explode in glee.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Yes, it was true.  Ultra-masculine Khloe Kardashian and her weed smoking, candy eating beau Lamar Odom (The couple also known as Lardashian, a.k.a. Kush Man and Franken Hooker) have embarked on a new quest. The two entrepreneurs have created a unisex scent that you can buy at your local Stater Brothers and other not-so-fine retailers near you.  This is a perfume commercial greater than any ever created, particularly because it features a scent that all of us can wear together and smell the same.

So why the name, “Unbreakable?”  Could it be due to her mental and physical density?  I do like the fact that it could be named for Lamar’s strength, as it could only take a man of Lamar’s considerable physical stature to hoist a beast like that on his back, as he did on his commercial.

Odom will never average 19 and 9 with that monkey, I mean Wildebeest, on his back.

Just when I think Lardashian can’t top themselves, they come out with something like this.  But what must it smell like?  I will leave it to you, the readers, but I would guess it’s somewhere between liquefied THC, anti-freeze, vinegar, body odor, and 2 month old Halloween candy.  I would call it Eau De Stanque.  Feel free to leave your nomination for scent combinations and brand names below.

Lardashian

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Clearly, so is booty, and lots of  it. That is the great reward soon to be officially claimed by Lamar Odom, as he nears wedded bliss with reality TV star Khloe Kardashian. Khloe is the big sister (physically, not age wise) and certainly makes for an interesting pairing with the low-key Odom. Largely regarded (in more ways than one?) as a nice guy, Odom seems to have fallen head over heels with the youngest Kardashian, so much so that on Sunday September 27th they will make it official, after only a month of dating.

We’ve seen athletes descend into oblivion after entering into a volatile relationship with a female star (most notably Mike Tyson after he began dating Robyn Givens) and Laker fans pray that is not the case here. Although Lamar is obviously far more mentally stable than Tyson (ganja and bags of sweets tend to make one very grounded) it certainly has all the makings of, if nothing else, an “eventful” union, as Kardashian’s 2 reality shows and constant attention of the paparazzi are opposite of Odom’s off court, low-key demeanor. Content to fire up the “electric lettuce” and keep to himself, such activities will be extremely difficult to continue with Kardashian and her family, all of whom cannot and seem unwilling to stay out of the public eye.

Speaking of the public eye, one thing that has plagued the Kardashian family is the controversial goings on surrounding the family. From Khloe’s DUI, to the televised “spoiled-rich-girl” fights between sisters, to Sister Kim’s sex tape with wanna-be- star Ray J, the Kardashians are not exactly the Brady Bunch. But some people (Let’s hear it for the depraved!) are hopeful that Khloe follow in her sister Kim’s footsteps, and make a sex tape. However, unlike the cinematic achievement created by the much smaller Kim and Ray J, this would be the gargantuan version of recorded Kardashian coitus. So if it happens, here’s to some big lovin’, Lamar. In fact, as long as you keep producing on the court, Laker fans don’t care whatever you produce off of it. Some might even encourage it.

Feel free to post your favorite Khloe-Lamar sex tape title below, of course complete with a candy reference…