Come to the Cabaret!!!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen…Presenting: Liza Minnelli!!! Yes, she has gotten her enormous arse out of the wheel chair and made an appearance at the Washed Up Broadway Star Awards.

Just Kidding.  That’s former-sure-fire-hall-of-famer-before-he-did-steroids, Sammy Sosa, making an appearance at the Latin Recording Academy Person of the Year Celebration in Las Vegas on November 4th.  When questioned about his shockingly white skin, he casually explained it away, stating that it is just a moisturizing cream he uses to make his skin soft, and sometimes lightens it.

Lightens it?  I didn’t know moisturizing cream was supposed to remove pigment.

And if indeed, it only affected where he applied, which would be his face, I do have to confess, I’ve never so badly wanted to see a man with his shirt off.  He better just hope he never forgets this side effect, and accidentally uses it as a lubricant when he’s aroused, his lady isn’t around, and he feels the sudden urge to play “Commander One-Hander”.

Senora Juggs and the corpse of Rudolph Valentino

If he is going for a look, maybe it’s the cracked-out tranny.  Better yet, perhaps it’s something more in vogue…so maybe he’s going for the Vampire-chique.  After all, you can’t turn on the TV anymore without some malnourished waif-male with fake fangs biting into some hot girl’s neck, only to have every other hot girl you know in real life think that the bleached skinned waif male is the studliest guy since Rodney Villanueva, or dare I say, Lorenzo Lamas (Recall, if you will, the great television series Renegade…He, and his mullet, were the SH$T!!!). And while there’s no denying the plowability of his wife on his arm with the enormous cans, I just wonder if she has a thing for Robert Pattinson.

So, who-or what-else does he look like?  We’d love to hear your comments below.