Winner Take All


The two mightiest teams left square off in the World Series Wednesday night.  Here are 2 predictions from our writers Vance Long and Dr. Kevin Creagh.  Feel free to come see them at the Giggle Castle in Sioux City, Iowa on November 19th.

Dr. Kevin Creagh Says:

Two juggernauts are slamming into each other this week like Rosanne Barr and Tom Arnold consummating a marriage.  Yes, folks, the New York Yankees have returned to “the show” after a long six year wait and are matched up against the reigning world champion Philadelphia Phillies.  Neither team has faced an opponent so mighty as the other this October, and the fireworks should be no less than spectacular.  Obviously, starting pitching will be at the forefront for both teams in deciding where their fate lies.  There is no doubt that the network who once employed Steve Phillips will be force-feeding you with sentences consisting of C.C. Sabathia, A.J. Burnett, Cliff Lee and Cole Hammels.

However, my take is of the most obvious….the deciding factor of this northeast showdown is none other than Kate Hudson.  Yeah, that’s right, I said it.  Before you decide to shut me out and go look at porn, allow me to explain.  It is of my opinion that this girl is what I call “a go-er”.  Whatever she has done to Alex Rodriguez, IT WORKS!! Have you seen the sudden October Swagger in this guy???  My lord!  You can see him literally choosing which pitch to drive into the alley.  This girl is so unbelievable, Owen Wilson tried to end his life when she cut him off….let’s not forget that Mr. Wilson is a movie star and can “pink sock” any girl he wants.  Whatever you’re doing, Kate….it seems you might be making occasional trips down to Philly, because Ryan Howard has the exact same look in his eyes….I’m kidding, of course…..or am I????

Here’s the bottom line:  The Yankees have the bullpen arms to shut down Howard in the later innings.  If the Phillies are to win this series, another hero must emerge.  Please welcome to the stage, Carlos Ruiz.  Despite a great performance by Alex Rodriguez…

Phillies in 6
Vance Long Says:

Another network dream come true.  If it wasn’t clear by the announcing in the division and championship series telcasts, the networks got their wish with the Phillies and the Yankees in the World Series.  Why they wouldn’t want at least one team from the #2 media market is anybody’s guess.  And while its true that the Dodgers and Angels both beat themselves just as much as the Phils and Yanks beat them, it doesn’t change the fact that this is the most antctipated World Series in years.

Both have murderer’s row lineups, including the Yankees with 8 guys with at least 18 home runs.  Both have an Ace starting pitcher, both of which were on Cleveland last year ( By the way Cleveland, if you want to keep being the farm team for the rest of baseball, I can think of a certain team out west that would love to have Grady Sizemore).  But the Yankees pitching depth is much better, both in the rotation and the bullpen.

The Phillies can even that up with their fans though. While many a Yankee fan will no doubt be heard screaming, Hey-oah!  Oah-ay!  Utleeee, yer a real peeee-zuuhhhh shiihhhhhh!!!  How-uhd, come ovuh heehhhh so I can slap my connoli upside your big head, you f%$#-ball!” (please insert any other stereotypes in the comment section below), that’s nothing compared to Phillie fan.  When the series shifts back to Philadelphia, the true nastiness may emerge, as the Yanks will take the field in front of perhaps the most ill tempered and heartless fans in sports history.  Fans that cheered when Michael Irvin lay in near paralysis on the field at Veterans’ Stadium.  These fans will no doubt be holding up signs that read something like “Kate, I got A Rod For Ya” or “A-Rod. I took a ride on the Hudson.  And it Stank!or any other barb to mess with A-Rod’s mind.

The problem is the Yankees haven’t played this well and looked this dominant since the late 90′s.  Go back to our original article “Red October” and see my prediction for a big post season from A-Rod.  Predicting a sweep may sound crazy, but it wouldn’t surprise me.  But I’m erring on the side of caution.

Yankees in 6

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13 Responses to “Winner Take All”
  1. Juan Escalante says:

    Yankees in 5…could it be any more obvious?

  2. Morgan says:

    Wow, this Dr. Creagh is a wonderfully exciting and sharp new addition to the writing team! He seems to know his stuff and the hilarity of his insights crack me the heck up. Keep it up Kevy pants!! :P

  3. Tricky Dick says:

    Dr. Kevin has a refreshing take on the World Series. I like his sense of humor!! He is a very nice addition to the NOT ESPN staff.

  4. Sweet Dick says:

    I’m so unhip and out of the loop … I thought A-Rod was dating Madonna. Where did Kate Hudson come from? The good Doctor must have written this before last night … A-Rod struck out three times … even though he did walk UP to the plate each time with “October Swagger” he embarrassingly limped away.

    Also … I have never heard or seen the phrase “pink sock”. Hmmm, I can imagine the definition from the context and it doesn’t have anything to do with stylish footwear or Breast Cancer awareness, but I would definitely like to know the derivation specifics.

    And didn’t Ryan Howard play Richie Cunningham in “Happy Day”? He doesn’t look like Richie.

  5. Tricky Dick says:

    The Yankees may be in trouble. The Phillies can pitch Lee three times if necessary!! Jeter needs to clue the rest of the team on how to hit against Lee. If he doesn’t the Phillies may win it all again!

    Playing baseball in cold/rainy weather is the pits. The ANAHEIM Angels should be playing the Dodgers in beautiful Southern California.

  6. Juan Escalante says:

    Last night was Cliff Lee at his best… way he repeats that performance. Here is the shakedown…from yours truly, Juan Escalante. Game 2=Yankees….Game 3=Yankees….Game 4=Yankees….Game 5=Yankees. Let me know if you disagree. I’d really like to hear what is inside your “non-Juany” brain.

  7. Amy says:

    Gotta love Not ESPN for not being like ESPN! Hats off to Dr. Kevin for his clever insight, and for making me laugh out loud for REAL while reading.. I want more!~

  8. Juan Escalante says:

    Did that Morgan girl just finish giving “oral treats” to Papa Smurf? Hey, Morgan, if you have a thing for blue guys, I think the Cookie Monster is free this weekend.

  9. Morgan says:

    Oh baby! Is Cookie Monster your new nickname?

  10. Kitty says:

    Dr. Kevin calls it like he sees it. But I think Phillies in 5.

  11. Juan Escalante says:

    Turns out I may be an evil Mexican genius….Yankees in 5……If you Juant to apologize to Mr. Escalante, it is strongly encouraged. I just may have some other predictions that you may Juant to know. You all owe me a chalupa.

  12. Juan Escalante says:

    Ay, Cabron! I am so confident that the Yankees will take this series, that anyone who comments below me, and the Phillies win, I will give you a trinket from Costa Rica….I will personally deliver it to you….all you have to do is comment. Ecuador is awful.

  13. Morgan says:

    Well OF COURSE the Yankees will take this series! And it’s gonna be so SWEET that they get to win at HOME. The Earth shattering roar coming from the fans in the stands will make your ears bleed m&ms. Then we will all cheer and scream and our pants will fall down and unicorns will dance with leprechauns at our feet and gum drops will fall from the sky into our gaping pie holes.
    Ecuador is like, medium… Paraguay can suck it.